Building Your Lactation Team: Empower your Journey with Community and Family Support

It takes a village to raise a family.  

In a perfect world, all parents would feel supported in their infant feeding decisions and practices, but that often is not the case.  Even those with the best intentions can sabotage a lactating parent’s journey with an unsupportive statement or unthoughtful question. 

So, how can you make sure you're getting the support you need from your partner, healthcare providers, and community to help you experience the best lactation journey possible? 

Open Communication with Your Partner

Teamwork: Start by sharing your chest/breastfeeding goals with your partner. Establish yourselves as a united front and make decisions together. This joint effort helps in setting a strong foundation for your chest/breastfeeding journey. Together, inform family members about your goals and ask for support as needed.

Education Together: Consider taking a prenatal chest/breastfeeding class as a couple. This will equip both of you with the knowledge and understanding of the chest/breastfeeding process, making your partner feel more involved and prepared to support you.

Regular Check-ins: Encourage your partner to ask how they can support you, whether it’s through moral support, running errands, or simply being a sounding board. Sometimes, a kind word, a snack, or a gentle back rub can make a world of difference.

Bonding Time:Help your partner build their own unique bond with the baby during exclusive chest/breastfeeding by actively interacting, carrying, cuddling and caring for the baby. Find soothing techniques, like babywearing and infant massage, that they feel confident using with the baby.

Support from Your OBGYN/Midwife

Finding the Right Practitioner: Choose an OBGYN or midwife who is lactation supportive, knowledgeable, and unbiased. This person will be crucial in guiding you both before and after the birth of your baby.

Understanding Your History: Your practitioner should be aware of your medical or personal history that may impact chest/breastfeeding and provide strategies to overcome potential challenges.

Accurate Information: Ensure they are up-to-date with the latest information on medications and chest/breastfeeding to avoid unnecessary interruptions or recommendations to discontinue.

Community Connections: They should also connect you with community-based lactation support to provide continuous care and support, when needed.

Choosing a Supportive Pediatrician

Aligned Values: Select a pediatrician who respects and supports your chest/breastfeeding goals. This alignment will ensure you don’t have to filter through unsupportive advice during your visits.

Informed Recommendations: Your pediatrician should provide you with well-informed current rationales for formula and/or donor milk supplementation and not prescribe infant formula without a proper medical indication or your desire.

Collaborative Care: A pediatrician willing to work with your entire care team ensures a cohesive support system for you and your baby.

Working with a Judgment-Free Lactation Consultant

Your Goals Matter: An unbiased lactation consultant will start each interaction by asking what YOU would like to accomplish in your appointment and what YOUR overall goal is for chest/breastfeeding/providing human milk and tailor their support accordingly.

Continuous Learning: Choose a consultant who is committed to expanding their clinical knowledge to provide you with the best possible recommendations and care.

Coordinated Support: They should be able to connect you with other healthcare providers to offer comprehensive and coordinated infant feeding care when additional support is needed.

Feeling Heard: Most importantly, you should feel seen, heard and supported throughout your chest/breastfeeding journey. Any challenges you experience should be addressed with a clear, achievable plan.

Providing your milk to your child is a beautiful, yet sometimes challenging journey that becomes so much more rewarding and accomplishable with the right people by your side. Embrace open communication with your partner, choose healthcare providers who truly understand and champion your goals, and find a knowledgeable lactation consultant who inspires confidence. By surrounding yourself with a nurturing network, you create an empowering environment for you and your baby to thrive. You deserve all the love, encouragement, and empowerment every step of the way. 

So, What's in your Latch book, Robin?

Since we announced the release of my new book, Latch: A Handbook to Breastfeeding with Confidence at Every Stage, many of our readers have asked what they can expect to find in the book.  Well, let me tell you!

First we start off with how to prepare for breastfeeding.  Most of us spend months preparing for the birth of our child, but don't give much thought about what happens after our baby is born.  So, this book starts off with the basics of how milk production works, all about latching, as well as how to put together your Dream Team of Support for once your little one is earth side.

Then, we move into what to expect during those first two weeks after birth, which we know can feel the most overwhelming.  Hormones aplenty coupled with learning the new task of taking care of your newborn (and yourself!) can sometimes knock down our self esteem and make us second guess everything that we are doing.  This chapter will give you the tools to know what's normal (and not), what to expect, the multitude of breastfeeding positions out there, and where to go if you feel like you need more support and guidance.

The next chapter looks at the ways your breastfeeding journey can change and morph during  the next 2.5 months.  Babies begin to feed more effectively and efficiently.  Parents begin to gain back confidence when they see that their dedication is starting to show positive results.  Plus, you begin to get into a rhythm with your baby, which feels more predictable (aka magical!)  There still may be a few bumps along the path, which this chapter will help you solve, but things should continue to get easier and easier.  Now is the time when families begin to offer bottles, become friends with their pumps, start breastfeeding in public, and feel more comfortable with breastfeeding in general. 

The last three chapters look at going back to work strategies, typical infant sleep patterns and behaviors, introducing solids, and eventually weaning.  

My favorite part of the book is the personal stories from other breastfeeding moms.  There is such a sense of comfort when hearing that someone has gone what you have gone through.  That's why we seek out these connections in local groups and/or online.  We need to feel heard and that others have experienced what we are experiencing.  Plus, the determination and courage that these families share is awe-inspiring!

So, now is your chance to get a sneak peek of the book!  Check out some common myths and misconceptions about breastfeeding, straight from Latch!  You will have to buy the book to read the rest!  

Thanks for all of your support and please enjoy this first view of Latch!

Help A Mama Out: Ways Partners Can Bond with Baby Besides the Bottle

Help a Mama Out Topic of the Week: How does your partner bond with your baby besides giving a bottle?

So many partners who take my prenatal breastfeeding class want to know how they can start bonding with their babies besides giving bottles.  Here are a few articles about partner support, as well as YOUR fantastic tips about how your partner and baby bond together.

Lactation Matters: Fathers, Breastfeeding, and Bonding

Nancy Mohrbacher: The Mother’s Partner and the Breastfed Baby

Best for Babes: 14 Ways for Dads (and Partners) to be Engaged with their Breastfed Babes

Chelsea – He wears him in the baby carrier a lot and they like to read books together.

Shelly – When they were small, the only way we could get them to sleep was to put them in jammies on Daddy’s chest.  It still works like a charm, almost at 13 months!

Erin – Babywearing and skin to skin!  Too cute!

Cassandra – Every night he gives our son a coconut oil rub down…. It’s become such a bonding experience for them that when I even try to do this, my son whines and arches his back and crawls away.

Tiffany – He takes care of him in the morning while I sleep in.  Change his diaper, play with him, and incorporate him into his ‘before-work’ exercise routine: calf raises with baby on shoulder, squats with baby in arms.

Ashley – Ours are bigger now, but when they were newbies and crying, he’d turn on Bunny Wailer and dance around the house with them.  I still get teary when I hear Blackheart Man.

Lisa – Babywearing, bath time together, snuggles, walks, playing on the floor together.

Stephanie – Cuddles and babywearing.  I heard a good quite recently about fathers.  “It’s a father’s job to show his child that love doesn’t just come from food.”

Valerie – My wife spends lots of snuggle time with our daughter.  Between babywearing, rocking, singing, and cuddling, she has quite the knack for soothing our baby.

Liz – My son hasn’t met daddy yet, as he is in Afghanistan, but when our daughter was a baby my husband would pretend fight with her.  He would go all out…. Have her in the air, ‘slow mo’ kick her little baby feet into his face making some dramatic noises and rolling all over the bed with her.  She wasn’t even a year old so it looked hilarious!  Thank goodness I got a video of it!  My hubby will also do diapers, carry, and co-sleep… the whole nine, but it’s his playtime bonding I love the most!

Mallory - My daughter has never had a bottle, so aside from helping with all of the other baby duties, he always reads her a bedtime story before I nurse her to sleep.

Tasha - Dad is a master burper and swaddler with our little one.  He's also a pro at getting him to sleep because milk just doesn't do it some nights. 

Jessica - By letting mommy sleep when he gets home in the mornings.  My son love to fall asleep on his chest.

Thanks to everyone who responded to our questions on our San Diego Breastfeeding Center and The Boob Group Facebook pages.  Check back every week for a new Help a Mama Out tip!

Here are a few more articles on our website, specifically dealing with partner support:

Advice for a Newly Breastfeeding Mama's Partner

Partner Support: Can it make or break your breastfeeding experience?

Why Women Should Attend a Breastfeeding Support Group WHILE Pregnant

There are few things that I really focus on when a pregnant mama asks what she should know about breastfeeding before her baby is born.  One, it is incredibly beneficial to take a prenatal breastfeeding class to learn about positioning, latching, following baby’s feeding cues, and how to tell if your baby is getting enough.  Most importantly, though, when it is all whittled down to the core, in my mind what helps a mom reach her breastfeeding goal has all to do with support!  When mamas share with me why they stopped breastfeeding, the most prominent theme is lack of support and assistance when breastfeeding challenges became complicated. 

So here’s the deal - breastfeeding is something you learn on the job.  In really supportive jobs, we usually have professional development at the start, as well as throughout our employment to keep us up to date and provide needed support.  Parenting is definitely a full time job, yet we often have to seek out our own unpaid professional development, to have our questions answered and continue the learning process.  This ‘professional development’ can often be challenging to find, as well as not all support is equally beneficial.

This leads into why I think it is a fabulous idea for women to attend a breastfeeding support group while they are still pregnant.  Still pregnant, you may ask… why not wait until after the baby is born?  Great question, my friend, and here are the reasons why.

Why women should attend a breastfeeding support group WHILE pregnant:

1. Make it a familiar place.  There is nothing scarier than going to an unfamiliar place with a brand new baby.  I didn’t get on the freeway for 4 weeks after Ben was born and I definitely didn’t want to go someplace I had never been before.  What if the people were weird?  What if Ben started screaming and I couldn’t calm him down?  What if I couldn’t find parking?  That’s the perk of finding a breastfeeding support group while pregnant…..no baby in tow.  Now, you can find where to park your car or stroller, at your own pace.  You can check out the setting and the flow of the group without feeling like you have to stay the entire time.  You can try out the seating situation and make note of where everyone puts their enormous diaper bags.  You just turned an unfamiliar place into one where you will hopefully feel comfortable returning to once your little one is born.  Doesn’t that sound less stressful?

2. Meet the facilitator.  At work, every professional development facilitator has her/his own style and tone.  It is the same way with support group leaders.  You get to be choosy while pregnant.  Maybe the first group seemed too crowded or the facilitator didn’t jive with you.  Go check out another one!  No need to settle.  Find one that appeals to you and makes you want to return as soon as you have your baby.

3. Witness a live baby latch onto a real breast.  This many sound funny, but how many of you have really ever seen a live baby wiggle and shift and slide down a mother’s torso to latch onto her breast?  Maybe in a breastfeeding class video, but that’s not LIVE.  Be a lurker…you’re pregnant…no one will mind J  When I interviewed Ina May Gaskin for The Boob Group in 2012, this was one of her main recommendations.  Surround yourself with breastfeeding mothers.  Watch them and learn from them.  It’s amazing how much you will learn from just observing a few different mothers at a group.  Quickly you will realize that there are MANY ways to position and latch a baby….there really doesn’t need to be so many rules about it.

4. Chat with some new mothers who are going through exactly what you will be going through in a few weeks.  New moms love to talk about their experiences.  It’s like starting a new job that you are totally obsessed with and want to share as much as you can IMMEDIATELY!  Participate in their conversations.  Learn from their experiences.  Ask a bunch of questions.  They have gained so much knowledge in their few weeks/months as mothers…. Soak it up!

5. Learn where to find support and assistance if you need it or where all the cool breastfeeding moms hang out.  You never know if you will need some extra breastfeeding assistance, so preparation is the key.  Not all situations can be resolved at a support group (which is why I also highly recommend finding a lactation consultant before you have your baby, as well…just in case), but it is often a great place to start!  One thing I’d also like to point out - not all of the mothers who attend a breastfeeding support group are having breastfeeding challenges, which is awesome!  Many just come for the conversation and to have a place where they know their kiddos can be fed easily.  Sit next to one of them and feel the breastfeeding love!  They might even ask you to join them for lunch after the meeting! 

What Advice Do You Wish You Had Heard Before You Started Breastfeeding?

This is a question I hear quite often, so I thought I would share my favorite tips, as well as share the amazing comments we received from our Facebook page when we asked our fellow breastfeeding mamas!

My Top 5 Pieces of Advice Every Woman Should Have Before She Breastfeeds:

1. Find a lactation consultant in your area before you have your baby. 

No one should have to google this information at 3:30 in the morning when you feel like your nipples are going to fall off.  Instead, spend a few minutes on the computer, in between your stroller and diaper research, to find an international board certified lactation consultant who seems like a really great person. Check out her Yelp reviews and ask your friends who they would recommend. 

2. Take a quality breastfeeding class so that you know what the ‘norm’ should look like. 

 This will help you to discern when you may need extra support from a lactation consultant or support group.  As new parents, we have no idea how often our baby should be peeing/pooping during those first few weeks and what a comfortable latch feels like.  A prenatal breastfeeding class should give you the basics and a nice foundation for what breastfeeding should look like for you.  It should get you EXCITED about breastfeeding, not fuel your fears.

3. Find a breastfeeding support group in your neighborhood and check it out before having your baby. 

 Find out where to park and what the flow is of the group.  Do these women look like ones you want to hang out with?  Does the support group leader seem friendly and non-judgmental?  In those first few weeks after having my son, I remember feeling quite anxious about bringing him to an unfamiliar place.  I wish I had stopped by my local breastfeeding support group, while pregnant, so that I would have been less timid to stop by when we were having breastfeeding challenges. 

4. Plan to spend time figuring out your breastfeeding rhythm with your little one.   

 Which position is most comfortable for the two of you? How long does it take your baby to have a good feeding session?  How often does your baby like to feed?  Every mother/baby pair is unique and it is important for you to figure out what works for the two of you.  Plus, there is a reason that babies breastfeed for about 45 minutes per feeding session in those first few weeks…. It is nature’s way of helping mom slow down, relax, and enjoy her baby.  When else have you had the opportunity to slow down your pace of life and be completely present?  It’s a gift!

5. Know that while breastfeeding is natural and normal, there can be some hiccups along the way, as with anything having to do with raising a child. 

Surround yourself with supportive people who can cheerlead you through the difficult times and celebrate your successes.  A challenge does not equal a failure.  It just means that we need some support to meet our goal.

Here are the tips that were shared on our Facebook page:

Gina: Drink things other than water, like coconut water

Krystyn: It will get easier

Brittany: I knew hardly anything about breastfeeding before I gave birth.  My mom and my husband’s mom didn’t breastfeed.  I just wish I would’ve had someone with any kind of experience to help me.  I had flat nipples and a lip-tied baby.  I needed the support!

Erin: I was in shock that I was so tender at first.  That would have been great to know… then I wouldn’t have assumed that I was doing something wrong and freaked out.

Kelli: It’s natural, but isn’t always easy for everyone.  It gets better with time, patience and support!

Rena: Best advice I ever got: The two of you have to learn one another.  It’s a learning process for both of you, so go easy on yourself.

Kim: Don’t watch the clock…watch the baby and go by his/her cues.

Lynz: I wish I had known how hard it was going to be (tongue-tied, nursing strikes, overactive letdown, reflux, etc.), but with perseverance and a lot of support (from Robin and The Boob Group) it DOES get easier!

Janine: Hang in there!  After about 2 weeks, it gets SO MUCH BETTER!

Ashley: Ask for help when you need it.  No use trying to figure this out all on your own.

Liesal: Trust your body and your baby.  I was so worried that I was doing something wrong and that he wasn’t getting enough.  Babies know when they are hungry and will tell you about it until they get enough.  The best advice I got was that it gets so much easier once he can help you.  Each monthe does get easier and easier.

Shawni: Any amount of breastmilk you can give your baby is a good thing, so don’t feel guilty if you have to supplement.  Also, their bellies are the size of their fists.

Jeannine: Go with the flow!  If your milk doesn’t come in fast, don’t worry about it.  The baby is fine with colostrum (for the first few days.) 

Kelly: Not to worry about how long I feed and watch the baby to show he/she is full.  Also, that I could have encouraged my milk to not ‘dry up’ by diet and other things.

Mary: I wish I had read this to know about the first few days of breastfeeding:http://theleakyboob.com/2011/08/baby-explains-normal-newborn-behavior/

Alye: It’s may be hard for the first few months, but it’s all worth it.

Hillary: Have the number of a lactation consultant before the baby is born.

Ashley: Don’t let all of the advice and directions confuse you.  Do what works best for the both of you, as long as it’s safe and effective.

Erin: It’s gets easier!

Laura: Not all advice is GOOD advice – do a little research before the baby is born so that you know what’s true and what is not!

Veronica: Take a class! 

Katie: Don’t let your boobs get hard! Pump and feed often!  The Nursing Mothers Companion book helped me tremendously as well.

Super Cool Kids: I wish I would have started a stash right away.

Natalie: Breastfeeding should never hurt!

Allison: Listen to your baby and your intuition.

Stephanie: Research a correct latch.  Feed as often as possible in the beginning.

Joann: Breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt!

Kristine: Not every breastfeeding relationship looks the same.  You and your baby have to get to know one another and figure out what works best for you.  It’s not a textbook kind of thing.

Renee: Don’t let the nurses in the hospital discourage you.  Ask for a lactation consultant if you need help.

Suzanne: If you are not sure how much your baby is getting, you can rent a scale or stop by a support group.  If you are having a problem with let down, find a quiet place with no interruptions and relax!

Vanessa: I wish someone had told me that the amount that breastfed babies take doesn’t really increase the way that it does with formula fed babies.  I worries for a while that my son wasn’t getting enough.

Teresa: Have a lot of one-handed food on hand in the beginning because you will only have the use of one hand for a while. 

Monica: Use a wrap (like Moby) anytime/anywhere.  I didn’t know how easy breastfeeding could be with her strapped to my body.

Mei: My husband helped to make sure that I had water, snacks, and my phone nearby. 

Catalina: Persevere!

Here are a few more articles on our website, specifically dealing with breastfeeding a newborn:

Why is my newborn so sleepy?

Newborn hands: why are they always in the way while breastfeeding? 

The Boob Group podcast's monthly series: Breastfeeding Expectations

How to Prepare for Breastfeeding Before Your Baby is Born

Dear SDBFC,

What should a first-time expectant mother who wants to breastfeed expect at the (big, traditional) hospital in the way of breastfeeding support? It would be nice to know what we're allowed to expect/ ask for. Should the hospital lactation consultants be sufficient or should we plan on working with an independent LC right away? Is there anything we can do before birth to help ensure smoother breastfeeding?

Sincerely,

Jenny

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Dear Jenny,

That is an excellent question, and to be honest very difficult to answer.  The type of breastfeeding support you will find at a hospital will vary greatly depending on which part of the United States you live in, whether the hospital is Baby-Friendly, its yearly breastfeeding rates, if they have certified lactation consultants (IBCLCs) on staff, and if their postpartum nurses have had recent breastfeeding training.  One hopes that the hospital lactation consultants will be fabulous, but that may not always be the case.  Also, a new mom typically won’t even see a lactation consultant in the hospital unless she is high-risk for breastfeeding challenges or she asks for one directly.

Since much of this may feel like it is not under your control, there are many steps YOU CAN make to ensure that breastfeeding gets off to a great start, regardless of the breastfeeding savviness of your hospital.

Here are my top 10 tips to prepare for breastfeeding before your baby is born:

1. Have a long chat with your partner.  Take turns discussing each person’s goals for breastfeeding and what type of support you may need from one another as a new parent.  Our article Partner Support: Can it make or break your breastfeeding experience shares different ways a partner can support a breastfeeding mom.

2. Take a fantastic breastfeeding class!  Don’t settle for the status quo.  Search for a class that not only covers the basics (latching, common concerns, how to know that your baby is getting enough), but also discusses local resources and is taught by a dynamic teacher with a background in lactation.  My favorite comment I saw on an evaluation of a breastfeeding class was, “the teacher even made my husband wish he could breastfeed!”  Now that’s a great class to attend!

3. Do some research about which hospital/newborn procedures are necessary during and after a birth.  Some hospital procedures are protocol, yet are not medically necessary for every baby, and can often negatively impact breastfeeding. 

4. Read an informative and fun breastfeeding book, such as Latch: A Handbook for Breastfeeding with Confidence at Every Stage. (Written by our very own, Robin Kaplan!)

5. Attend a breastfeeding support group, prenatally!  First, you can see the lay of the land (where to park your car, where the group is located, and if the women seem like the type of ladies you would want to hang out with.)  Secondly, you can see women breastfeeding in their ‘natural habitat’….meaning, baby on boob, minus the cover, without feeling the need to cover up.  Thirdly, you can sit next to a woman who has a newborn and ask her all of those questions about being a new mom that you have been dying to ask someone.  Last, but not least, you will feel an abundance of support for your desire to breastfeed and know that this is a safe and fun place to return to after your baby is born.

6. Come up with a ‘Visitor Policy’.  Those first few days after your baby is born are critical in establishing your milk supply and helping your baby become a successful breastfeeder.   When the entire family and neighborhood are camping out in your hospital room, it might be difficult to feel entirely comfortable taking your top off and letting your baby find his/her way to your breast.  This is YOUR time to figure out breastfeeding, not to practice breastfeeding in front of an audience.  So, decide on a policy with your partner and stick to it.  Remember, your friends should understand that this is your time to get to know your baby and that they can all come and see you once you get home.

7. Choose a breastfeeding-friendly pediatrician.  The is most likely a physician you will see more in these next few year than any other you have ever seen before.  Make sure that the pediatrician is supportive and knowledgeable about breastfeeding.   Ask to interview him/her BEFORE your baby is born so that you can make an informed decision.

8. Create a hospital-plan that will optimize your breastfeeding success.  Items to include are: rooming in, no pacifier or bottles, no formula unless medically necessary, limiting visitors, delaying your baby’s bath, and keeping your baby skin to skin as much as possible.

9. Ask for assistance from a certified lactation consultant, or a well-trained postpartum nurse, while at the hospital.  Have her check positioning and your baby’s latch.  You are paying for these services, so  take advantage of them!

10. Look for a local lactation consultant while you are still pregnant.  Spend time perusing the Internet to find a local IBCLC that seems like a good fit for you.  Attach her name and contact information to your fridge, so you can find it quickly if you need it.  This way you aren’t calling the first person you find, out of desperation, after the baby is born.

*** I know I said Top 10, but I couldn't forget to include this tip.... Hire a birth doula.  The easier your birth is and the fewer birth interventions you encounter can definitely get breastfeeding off to a great start.  Doulas can make this happen:)

Thanks for your question, Jenny!  Hope this helps!

Warmly,

SDBFC

Partner Support: Can It Make or Break Your Breastfeeding Experience?

When Ben was born almost 7 years ago, I had no idea how much I would rely on my husband to be my pillar of support.  When I was gliding along my roller coaster of postpartum hormones, it was my husband who gave me space, as well as made sure I stayed somewhat sane.  He brought me water while I was nursing, ordered in dinner when we were too tired to cook, and made me laugh when I thought all I could do was cry.  He was also the person who got on the phone to call the lactation consultant when I had no idea why breastfeeding wasn’t going the way I have envisioned it. 

Breastfeeding was important to US and we knew we could make it work.

In all of my prenatal breastfeeding classes, I discuss with my students how to create a team of support, for both birth and breastfeeding.  The first and most important person on this team is mom’s partner, or as I fondly call my hubby - My Partner in Crime!  My students’ homework for the night is to discuss how THEY can get breastfeeding off to a great start. 

I recommend discussing the following questions:

• What are your breastfeeding goals (i.e., how long would you like your baby to breastfeed, will you exclusively breastfeed, etc.)?

• Will your baby receive bottles during this time?

• How would you like your partner to be involved with breastfeeding?

• What support do you need from your partner?

The last question tends to be the most difficult to answer prenatally, as it is sometimes hard to envision what breastfeeding support you will need after the baby arrives.  Also, it is hard to explain to a partner what it feels like to be the sole person in charge of meeting your baby’s nutritional needs.  Yet, I feel like it is the most important question of them all. 

In our society, when so many of us are not meeting our breastfeeding goals, our main cheerleader (often our partner) can truly make or break our breastfeeding experiences.  When a mom calls me up, with desperation in her voice, yet is unable to book an appointment with me because her partner doesn’t see the benefit of meeting with a lactation consultant, I can sense that her breastfeeding journey is going to be an uphill battle that she is fighting alone.  On the flip side, when I have a partner asking to hold the tube and syringe so that mom can supplement their baby at breast, I am confident that this mom will continue to try to overcome her breastfeeding challenges.

So, how can your partner help you to meet your breastfeeding goals?

In last week’s article, Why Aren’t Moms Meeting their Breastfeeding Goals, we talked about several different ways that society members could offer support to breastfeeding mothers.  This week, I have collected advice from a few wise mamas about ways in which their partners helped them to meet their breastfeeding goals. 

“While we were dealing with some initial breastfeeding challenges, I asked my husband to tell anyone who came over that they could only say positive things about breastfeeding.  Rather than saying that it would be ok if we gave our baby a bottle, our guests mentioned what a great job I was doing trying to breastfeed and that they were sure things would get easier soon.  I truly believe that the positive vibes in our home really helped to turn around our breastfeeding challenges.” - Sarah

“Up until my son was a few weeks old, he liked to sleep all day and party all night.  After the 11pm nursing session, I really wanted to have a few hours of sleep before we started all over again.  My partner would take our son out to the living room, watch John Stewart, and let our baby sleep on his chest until the next feeding session.  After those few hours of uninterrupted sleep, I felt like a million bucks!  It made all the difference!” – Michelle

“When our son was 6 weeks old, my sister in law got married.  The dress I was wearing required that I had to take the whole thing off to nurse my son. …probably poor planning on my part, but I LOVED the dress!   Whenever I went into the bridal suite to nurse, my partner joined me and hung out for those 30 minute intervals.  I so appreciated her company and support!” – Jessica

Here are a few other ways that partners can support breastfeeding, as well as support a new mom’s well-being, that I have stumbled upon over the years:

• Call a lactation consultant if mom is having breastfeeding challenges.  Don’t expect her to solve this all on her own.

• Bottle feed the baby in a ‘breastfeeding-friendly’ manner so that your baby will be willing to go back and forth between bottle and breast

• Set up the pump when mom is pumping often.  This just removes some added stress.

• Document your new baby’s life with photos and videos and share with family/friends through email, Facebook, and Kodak Gallery

• Soothe the baby when the baby is not hungry and doesn’t need a diaper change

• Wear the baby.  There’s nothing sexier than a baby-wearing partner!

• Massage moms’ sore neck and shoulders, or make an appointment for mom to get a massage

• Help baby to latch on to the breast, as mom sometimes can’t even see her own nipples :-)

• Make sure mom is eating healthy foods and drinking plenty of water.  Sometimes new moms forget to take care of themselves, which can really make her exhausted and lower her milk supply (i.e., cranky!)

5 Ways to Get Rid of Postpartum Visitors without Offending Anyone: Advice for the mom-to-be

Birthing classes, breastfeeding classes, baby showers, etc.  Everyone wants to be prepared for the arrival of a new baby, especially when it is your first.  But, there is one IMPORTANT point, one DETRIMENTAL point, which most of your class instructors and friends with kids will neglect to tell you. 

Limit the number of visitors you are willing to see each day!

“Why would I do that?” you may ask.  “Don’t I want to have everyone share in the joy of having a new baby?”  “Won’t my family members get upset if they can’t spend every minute with the new baby?”

Let me describe my postpartum scenario for you.  If it not unlike most of my friends’ experiences after the births of their babies as well….that is, until I shared this advice with them.

This is what surviving a 20-hr labor looks like!When my son, Benjamin, was born, he was the first grandchild born on both sides of the family.  He was literally like Simba up on the mountain top being revered in all of his glory.  Family and friends from around the country flocked to our little home in San Diego to meet the first child of the new generation.  I, too, was mesmerized by this little being that I had just birthed a few days before.  

Everyone who came to visit in the hospital and then at our home wanted to hold Ben…. To smell his sweet scent and listen to his sighs as he slept.  As my visitors sat on my couch and relaxed with my sleeping son, what do you think I was doing?  Resting after my 20-hour labor? Napping after breastfeeding all night, with painful bleeding nipples? 

I don’t think so! 

I was sitting on my doughnut (so that my episiotomy stitches wouldn’t rip out), chatting it up with the crowd.  I was making sure everyone had something to eat or drink.  Now, to be clear, this wasn’t expected of me by my guests.  This was self-imposed hostess torture.  I felt it was something I had to do.  Everyone held my sleeping, gorgeous child, until he woke up and started to cry.  Then, it was my turn to hold him, soothe him, and breastfeed him. 

Pure postpartum exhaustionAfter everyone finally went home (a week later), I had an infection from my stiches, a nipple shield I was trying to wean from, and an exhaustion like I had never felt before.  I made a promise to myself then and there that this was NOT going to happen the next time around. 

As I learn from my mistakes (oh, and there are so many since I became a mom), I try to share a few gems so that others won’t succumb to the same mistakes I made.  So, here you go…

5 Ways to Get Rid of Postpartum Visitors without Offending Anyone

1. Decide how many visitors you are comfortable with per day:  Have this discussion with your partner prenatally.  That way you won’t be persuaded after the baby is born (when hormones are topsy-turvy).  You might have to make an exception for family members, but that is up to you.

2. Assign your partner or husband to be the bouncer:  After the baby is born, it is the bouncer’s job to answer the phone, not you!  His/her phone response should be, “We have already had a few visitors today.  Would you like to come tomorrow instead?”

3. Ask visitors to bring dinner: You may laugh at this….my husband did.  But, whenever he asked someone to come another day, the visitor always replied, “Sure. What can I bring?”  Have the bouncer always reply, “Dinner would be great!”  My fridge/freezer was filled for 2 weeks!  It rocked!Time to unwind with my babe

4. Have an exit strategy: Sometimes visitors stay a little bit too long and you may feel weird asking them to leave.  Remember, you need to take care of yourself!  Your body and your baby are depending on it.  As soon as I felt like I wanted my visitor to leave, I said I was feeling a little dizzy and needed to go lay down.  They usually got the hint and headed for the door.

5. Don’t play hostess: Don’t feel the need to cook or clean your house before someone comes over.  Would they expect this if you had back surgery?  No.  So, sit down, snuggle that sweet little baby, and chat for as long as you want to.  Then, use your exit strategy and rest.

Did you limit your visitors after your baby was born? 

How did you limit your visitors without offending anyone?