Ease Up on Yourself

Written by Ashley Treadwell, IBCLC

Picture it: You’re having coffee with a good friend and she’s confiding in you about her guilt over not knowing her son had a double ear infection when he was running a fever recently.  He wasn’t pulling at his ears or crying when she laid him down.  He ran a fever for a few days, but had no other symptoms, and when she took him into his pediatrician, they diagnosed a double ear infection and prescribed antibiotics.  Your friend is feeling awful that she waited a few days to take her baby in.  She’s calling herself a bad mom.  

What’s your response?  

You tell her that she IS a bad mom, that she should have known that more was going on with her baby, even though he wasn’t showing any signs that he was in pain.  She obviously doesn’t have the instincts it takes to be a good mom.  You’d probably even tell her that her child would be better off if he was parented by someone else.

Right?

OF COURSE NOT.  

We would NEVER say these words to a friend.  Why?  Because they’re aggressive, mean, and meant to tear someone down.  And most of all…. because they aren’t true.  We would never say these words to a friend for fear of hurting her.  So why are we so quick to treat ourselves this way?  Don’t we deserve the same gentleness and support our friends do?

From the moment my first was born, a heavy layer of guilt settled over me - and breastfeeding was the first manifestation of this new guilt.  Breastfeeding hurt.  I mean, *really* hurt.  By the time I left the hospital two days after my daughter was born, my nipples were cracked and bleeding, and I was having anxiety attacks every time she began to show hunger signs.  Because of this, I made the decision to pump my milk and feed it to her in a bottle.  I had failed.  I had failed to do the one thing I was meant to do as a new mother.  I didn’t want to take her out of the house, in fear that she’d get hungry and people would see me feed her a bottle, and know that I had failed.   

Looking back, I realize the amount of dedication and perseverance it took for me to strap myself to that pump, every 3 hours, around the clock, so that I could feed my baby my breast milk, but at the time, I could only see my shortcomings, my weakness.  Looking back, I remember the sheer and overwhelming devotion I felt for my baby - she filled up my every day.  I was an amazing mother.  Her every need was met.  I look back at myself, almost 7 years ago, and wish I had half the patience and gentleness I did then.  I hadn’t failed at all.

The thing is, almost 7 years later, I still feel like I’m failing. Every time the television goes on so that I can cook dinner (which is sometimes (often) frozen fish sticks), or I find myself screeching at my girls to ‘hurrrrry up!’ as our hectic morning rages on.  Every time I cut a chapter in half at bedtime because I’m too worn out to read the entire thing, and especially every time I hear my oldest daughter’s loud, disgusted sigh - that she learned from me.  I feed my kids non organic fruit.  I spend too much time on my iPhone.  I let them eat Otter Pops.  In my mind, I’m a complete and utter failure at the one job I was built to do.

But you know who I need to hear from?  Myself, 7 years from now, looking back.  She will remind me that every day, before my kids went to sleep, I laid in bed with each of them and snuggled them.  That my girls went to bed every night with the comfort that comes with being loved completely.  That I was totally devoted to both of them, and their every need was met.  And I have something to say to this woman - myself in 7 years.  I want to thank her for her reassurance, and then I want to tell her “Ease up on yourself.”

Nurturing your Child's Potential with Voila Montessori

This week, we’re highlighting a local practitioner who is helping parents establish and integrate their parenting beliefs and styles into a peaceful, nurturing environment for their children.  She also offers Skype consultations for those not located in San Diego.  I’m thrilled to introduce Jeanne-Marie of Voila Montessori!

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1. What does it mean to have a Montessori home?  

A Montessori home is one that is adapted to meet the child’s ever changing needs, as well as it being nurturing, peaceful and respectful to all family members. It is a home where obstacles to children’s natural development are minimized, enabling children to become life long independent and confident learners.

2. What modifications do you help parents make in their homes?  Why are these modifications important?

When helping parents make simple adjustment, I first look at the four main areas depending on the child’s age and the size of the home. These areas are the sleeping, feeding, personal care and movement areas. For example the feeding area at first will be for the sole purpose of bonding with the child while breastfeeding. I usually recommend a quiet, comfortable place where the caregiver can give a 100% of their attention to the infant. This area will then change once the child is introduced to other foods. 

To name only a few simple ideas I share with parents: make sure children have access to real child-size utensils to do ‘real work’, such as cooking, cleaning, personal care, caring for animals or plants as well as creating a quiet reading area just for them etc. I also recommend many different activities to set-up depending on the age and interest of the child.

(photo credit: Laura Christin Photography) 

These modifications evolve and change as the child grows and their needs are different; they are not going to be the same for an infant as they are for a walking toddler or a preschooler. These changes are also about being mindful parents, aware of the child’s needs by learning to observe and never interrupting when they are concentrating on their own self-construction. 

I believe that these changes are important in that they help the entire family to live in peaceful harmony.  These are small modifications that will make a world of difference for everyone involved. They are wonderful tools for the development of the child’s will as well as their self-esteem “I can do it!”

3. How does clutter in the home affect a child's ability to reach his/her full potential?

Clutter is actually an obstacle to their development. A home that is cluttered with too many toys and activities can be very overwhelming for a young child. Children have a real need for order and routines in their early years. External order brings internal order. Young children are absorbing so much information in these early years that it is helpful for the home to be clutter free and orderly to help them make sense of it all. I am always overjoyed to hear parents tell me how much their child’s behavior improved by simplifying their play area. 

4. How does having a Montessori home go hand in hand with Positive Discipline? 

Beautifully! There are a lot of misconceptions about Montessori that it is a place “where children are left to do whatever and it is a free for all”. Montessori is actually a very simple and intuitive way of life and educational method, where all freedoms are within limits. Positive Discipline is a great compliment to Montessori since it is a very respectful way of guiding children. It is firm and kind at the same time believing that connection before correction is crucial for the child’s healthy development.

5.  What type of consultations and classes do you offer to local parents?  Do you conduct Skype visits?

I have many different types of consultations. I work with expectant parents helping set-up a baby-focused nursery as well as parents, grandparents and any caregivers of young children from birth to six years. My consultations are for families wanting guidance on how to adapt their home to meet their child’s needs as well as for families who need help with having children be more cooperative and respectful. 

I offer workshops throughout the San Diego County. Small workshops can be created for specific parent groups.

I am also available to help set-up larger learning environments such as home daycares or family home school co-ops.

Yes, I do offer long-distance consultations either by phone or via Skype.  Parents from different parts of the country and world have asked for advice, so I needed to make myself available.  I’m also working on developing some online webinars.

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Jeanne-Marie's multicultural upbringing and travels planted the seeds of a lifelong curiosity regarding the fundamental needs of children and families.

Her goal is to help parents appreciate the true importance of their role – not as servants or teachers, but as supporters and guides of their children’s natural development. Families who work with Jeanne-Marie reap the benefit of her Masters in Montessori education, her two AMI Montessori certifications covering childhood development from birth through age 6, her Positive Discipline certification for both parents and the classroom as well as her extensive classroom experience, and first-hand parenting knowledge. 

She launched Voila Montessori in response to the overwhelming demand from parents for advice and guidance for raising children in a gentle, peaceful, and supportive environment that’s conducive to their full development – psychological, academic, artistic, spiritual, physical, cultural, etc.

Jeanne-Marie describes herself as “genuine, passionate, and straightforward”. She’s honest and direct, because she realizes that clear and precise information is what will help parents cut through the overwhelming amount of advice that engulfs them.

To learn more about Jeanne-Marie and how she can support you and your children, please visit www.VoilaMontessori.com and like her page, Voila Montessori, on Facebook.

Jeanne-Marie will be offering a monthly workshop at Nature’s Whisper Yoga starting Thursday, November 21, 2013.

Advice for a Newly Breastfeeding Mama’s Partner

Let’s face it… becoming a new parent can be extremely overwhelming!  I still remember that first drive home from the hospital.  My husband and I were cracking up as we stared at our son in the car seat behind us.  “Can you believe that they trusted us enough to take this little guy home?  Do they know that we have never changed a diaper or bathed a baby before?  What were they thinking????”

As I spent the first few weeks mastering breastfeeding, it became apparent that two sets of hands were often better than one.  It amazed me that an entire day would pass before I realized that I forgot to eat or take a shower.  It was my hubby, aka breastfeeding cheerleader/parenting partner, that made sure that I was being taken care of as I was all consumed in feeding and caring for our newborn.

I often get asked by the soon-to-be parents in my breastfeeding classes about the roles of the partner.  What role does he/she play while mom is breastfeeding? Many partners often feel like they don’t have a defined role when their partner is breastfeeding because unless his/her breasts start lactating, it is truly a one person feeding show for those first few weeks.   Plus, diaper duty doesn’t sound too glamorous!

So, instead of writing an article for the newly breastfeeding mama this week, this blog post is actually for her partner… the one who makes sure that the ship doesn’t sink!  Let me tell you…. your job is WAY more important than you may think. 

Before we get to the advice, I’d like to let you in on an important secret…. You are the glue that binds your new family together.  You are an integral component in the happiness and sanity of your household!  The bond you form with your partner, who has just stepped into this new parenting role just like you, is just as powerful as the bond you create with your new baby.  Your compassion and support will not only increase your partner’s self-esteem, but will also make or break her breastfeeding experience.

So, now here is some advice for the newly breastfeeding mama’s partner, from a few of my favorite breastfeeding mamas!  Here’s how their partners supported them during those first few weeks:

Marie: Encouragement and the willingness to wake up around the clock with me.  I nursed, he did diapers… it helped me not feel alone and crazy at 2am.

Grace: My partner constantly replenished my snacks and water glass!  And reassured me that what I was doing was the right thing.  I’m so glad he didn’t let me give up and let us see a new lactation consultant, ENT doctor, and chiropractor… otherwise we wouldn’t still be nursing at 13 months!

Jessica: He prepared all of my meals and then did the dishes!  With such frequent breastfeeding in those first few weeks/months, it’s hard to get in good nutrition for mom.  I was so grateful that I didn’t have to think about feeding myself or my husband!

Danielle: My wife did everything…brought me food and water, did the dishes and laundry, fixed our cloth diapers, and made sure I got to bathe.  And when it was super painful, she looked up stuff on google, got ice packs and coconut oil, and helped him latch each time.  It was truly a team effort!

Cassandra:  Helping with household chores – running to the store, encouraging me to drink water… all those things you don’t have time to do in the beginning because you’re busy sustaining your newborn.

Arelis: My baby is now 20 weeks and exclusively breastfed.  My husband calls breastfeeding a ‘special treat.’  Whenever he holds our daughter, he asks her if she is ready for her ‘special treat.” The baby just giggles and knows what’s coming next.

Maren: Dividing duties because breastfeeding in those early weeks is so all-consuming – so, changing diapers, clothes, rocking and comforting – just trying to even out the responsibilities so that I didn’t get overwhelmed.  And not judging me when marathon feeds meant sitting in front of Netflix for 3 hours.  Those were actually wonderful days made more lovely by my awesome husband!

Liana: For me, it was just knowing that he never doubted my ability to nourish our child and never questioned when I said that the baby wanted/needed to nurse again (even if he just finished 15 minutes prior.)  What’s more, with an oversupply, he supported my pumping so that I could donate to others, despite my milk taking over the freezer!

Shannon: I couldn’t have gotten through those 1st 8 weeks without my partner.  He got up with me to help with every night feeding while we still had to finger feed one of the twins.  He helped swaddle them, get them into their crib, and do whatever while I pumped.  He brought me water and snacks, took care of me and the babies each time I got mastitis, and took care of our 4 year old, too.  I think I would have given up if it weren’t for him, but I’m still going strong and the boys are almost 5 months old!

Melissa: Stayed by my side during night time feedings.  He kept me awake when things were going smoothly and kept me calm when feedings were frustrating.

Alicia: Since our daughter was so early, my husband did skin to skin with her for the first few weeks!

Toddler Nursing Part III - Super Breastfed Baby!

Written by guest blogger, Andrea J. Blanco, IBCLC

My seven year old is really, really into the Super Diaper Baby series. So much so (embarrassing story for which I will pay for dearly in 10 years coming up right now) that the other day, he fished through all the dirty clothes to find 8 (yes, 8!!!!) underwear to put on simultaneously along with a cape so that he could reenact parts of the book. I’m not entirely sure why clean underwear couldn’t be used, but hey, welcome to the gnarly world of 7 year old boys. I’m still getting adjusted.  Anyway, whenever he yells “SUPER DIAPER BABY!!” all I hear is “SUPER BREASTFED BABY!!!” (you better have read that in your booming announcer voice; if not, please go back and reread).

Super Breastfed Baby is not a baby anymore. He’s a toddler who can leap off everything, get all bruised up and bounce right back up. He can run amazing distances while laughing hysterically at you chasing him and fall over 15 times, but who’s counting? He scoffs at the mere thought of you trying to clean. Or sit. Or cook. Or sleep. He knows what he wants and isn’t taking no for an answer. This is the breastfed baby magnified – the one that I was reminded of as I read some of your comments to Toddler Nursing Part I and Toddler Nursing Part II of the Toddler series. Super Breastfed Baby is who we’re going to tackle today.

The Scenario: You and Super Breastfed Baby are home and you are trying to get things done around the house.

I hate to say it, but nothing about this will ever get easy. But it can get easier. Having a child, nursing or otherwise, around the house means being very strategic in all that you do. Your toddler wakes at 7, you say? Well then, 6:15 is the time to set the alarm so you can chop veggies for tonight’s dinner, put a load of laundry in the washer, and prepare a to-do list for your partner. Waking earlier than your little one doesn’t work for you? Try naptime or after bedtime. When they’re awake what they want is to be entertained. By you. Because you’re the awesomest. EVER. And no one else can compare to the way YOU entertain them. And when you aren’t in the entertaining mood? You still have breasts. Which they love. All I keep thinking as I’m typing this paragraph is “That which you resist, persists.”

It’s easy to get caught up feeling like “I HAVE TO DO THIS NOW”, but sometimes, if you stop for a second and give in to Super Breastfed Baby’s demands (of nursing or block building or nursing while block building), you will find that time to do what you were looking to do suddenly appears afterwards. And if it doesn’t appear? And you still have to vacuum? Rip a play out of my dear friend’s book and wear your baby right around naptime. She vacuums the floors, makes the bed, washes the dishes and sometimes even mows the lawn with her toddler strapped to her back in the Ergo. Most times he’s too busy loving the view, but sometimes, her little superhero falls asleep while she’s at it. 

The Scenario: You and Super Breastfed Baby are, well, just home.

You may have noticed that when you’re home or *gasp* sitting down, your normally easy to distract child becomes Mr. Grabby Pants (which definitely feels like a superhero quality), demanding to nurse every. five. minutes. This one is a little trickier to fend off because mommy sitting = easy target. Most toddlers nurse that frequently out of boredom and/or familiarity. If you’re like most moms, for the last year, most of you and your baby’s breastfeeding took place either sitting or laying down. So it just means that your little princess was paying attention and now that she sees you sitting or laying down again, she thinks it’s nursing time. If you have realistic expectations of what’s about to happen, then you may be better prepared to deal with it. Another way to fend off Mr. or Ms. Grabby Pants is to “relax” in a new or exciting (but safe) environment. Toddler areas at local museums or indoor play gyms tend to be enclosed – use that to your advantage. Your busy, curious, newly independent toddler will be much less likely to think of nursing when there’s other stuff to do and see.

The Scenario: You and Super Breastfed Baby are at an impasse and you’re not too sure you want to continue nursing.

You’re trying to set boundaries, but it seems nothing is working. It’s not so much that you want to wean Super Breastfed Baby (or maybe it is), but you would like for nursing to feel like it’s more on your terms than at his demand. First, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you feeling that way. Nursing is a mutual relationship – both you and your child have to want to continue. As I mentioned in Part II, if you’re feeling like you want to slow down the demands of nursing or even wean, first try to pinpoint which is the MOST difficult nursing time for you. For me, it wasn’t the morning, nap and night – those I could deal with. But it was all the in-betweens. However, I didn’t realize that I could deal with, and actually cherished, the morning, nap and night until I was able to really cut back on the in-betweens. It took lots of creativity and motion, but after a few weeks, he didn’t even realize the in-betweens were missing. As with any change to a child’s sense of normalcy, employing gentle techniques combined with lots of love and patience along with waiting (if you can) until the child is communicative enough to understand, even if he doesn’t agree, will yield the best results.

The Scenario: You and Super Breastfed Baby have found your groove, but sometimes, she acts like there isn’t enough milk.

Super Breastfed Baby is one smart cookie. Maybe it’s that x-ray vision or her supernatural senses, but something has alerted her that there is less milk. Did you read that sweet momma? LESS MILK. Less milk is different than “NOT ENOUGH” milk. A few months ago, when you started solids because your little one showed all the signs of being ready, the weaning process began. Your body naturally slowed down its milk production to meet your baby’s needs and has continued to be super efficient in adjusting to those continued needs. Yes, you do have less milk, but, in conjunction with the other foods he’s eating, he’s still getting exactly what he needs. In addition, Super Breastfed Baby knows what he’s doing when he seems to be kneading the breast or trying to “play” with the other nipple. He’s actually trying to elicit a faster flow of milk for himself. For most moms, the kneading is nowhere near as exasperating as the nipple twiddling. Toddlers need to learn manners, too, and where better to learn them then at the breast where they are happy and relaxed and met with love? If you’re trying to curb behaviors such as nipple twiddling, be consistent each time. Explain to your toddler that it hurts momma. Use words she can understand. And repeat each and every time. Sometimes, along with consistency, a little bargaining might help, too. “Instead of hurting mommy by touching my breast that way, you can [insert substitutive, less exasperating behavior here]”.

So many of my past New Year’s Eves were spent with a baby in arms, or in a sling, or on the breast, picking confetti (or food) out of their beautiful, thick brown hair. Some years, it seemed I would never have my body free at midnight – or ever. My Super Breastfed Babies are babies no more…I can’t even say they are in jest. This year, we weren’t nursing at midnight. I wasn’t holding them. Yet, there we were, all of us snuggled up and interlocked when the clock struck 12. Maybe not as it had been in years past, but then again, not much different either. Maybe it was because, as others would say, I “nursed them *forever*”. Or maybe it’s because, through the nursing process, I realized there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

Happy New Year! 

Andrea Blanco is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant at The Milk Collective Lactation Care, working with families in the Miami/Ft. Lauderdale area. She is the proud mom of 2 loving, spirited boys, who teach her humility, patience, humor, and the rules to more sports than she thought she’d need to know every day. When she’s not helping families achieve their breastfeeding goals, you can find her on the sidelines, at karate tournaments, or with her toes in the sand. She can also be found at themilkcollective.co, on Instagram @themilkcollective_ , facebook.com/themilkcollectivelactation or by email at: andrea@themilkcollective.co.

Do you have any additional questions for Andrea about nursing a toddler?  Share them in the comment section and we'll ask her to write another article!

Breastfeeding and Going Back to Work: Roundup

With so many of my friends and breastfeeding support group mamas going back to work by the end of the year, I thought I would do a round-up of my favorite Going Back to Workarticles (written by me, as well as some of my colleagues.)

Here's what you'll find on the San Diego Breastfeeding Center website:

Hi ho, Hi ho, It's Off to Work We Go: Part 1 - Starting the pumping and bottle feeding routine.

Hi ho, Hi ho, It's Off to Work We Go: Part 2 - Making plans with your employer and your rights as a breastfeeding/pumping/working mom.

How Long Does my Breast Milk Stay Fresh? - Take the guesswork out of how long your pumped milk stays fresh.  Here are all of the answers you'll need.

Help!  I am Going Back to Work and My Baby Won't Take a Bottle! - Top 10 tricks to get your little one to take a bottle before you return to work.

So, You’re Going Back to Work - one of my favorite memoirs from a local breastfeeding, working mom!

Now that you've perused all of our articles (and I can guarantee there are more waiting to be written over the upcoming months), here are a few of my favorite resources beyond our web site:

United States Breastfeeding Committee - FAQ's: Break Time for Nursing Mothers

Kellymom - Links: Working and Pumping Tips

Reminiscing About My Son's Birth

As I rested with my son, Ryan, tonight, I told him the story of the day he was born, exactly 6 years ago.  How he entered this world so peacefully and beautifully and how grateful I am that he is my son.  My eyes filled up with tears as I hugged his sweet little body, my heart feeling like it would explode right out of my chest.  There are no words to fully describe the way I love this little guy and his birth was just the beginning.

6 years and 9 months ago, I found out that I was pregnant with my soon-to-be Ryan.  Ben was 7 months old and I had just returned to work full time.  Let’s just say that SHOCKED cannot even begin to describe how I felt when that little stick had two lines.  We knew we wanted to have at least 2 children, but never thought it would happen this soon!  Feelings of guilt filled my heart as I thought about how I had robbed Ben of months where he would be an only child.  Panic set in when I counted how many months apart my kids would be (15!!!)  How would I tell my boss?  How would I tell my parents?  Most importantly, how would it be possible for me to love another human being as much as I loved my 7-month-old Ben?  I just wasn’t ready!

As the months flew by, I slowly became connected to my growing baby.  I felt his movements much more quickly than I had with Ben and I loved how my stomach would contort and expand during the staff meetings at work.  I wasn’t quite as sick while pregnant this second time around, which was a blessing since I had Ben to contend with as well.  I still wondered how it would be humanly possible for me to connect with this new baby as I had with Ben.

About 3 days before Ryan was born, I woke up around 6am with this very weird feeling, like something was wrong.  I pushed on my belly to stir the little one, but didn’t feel any movement.  For 30 minutes I rolled from side to side in my bed, walked around from room to room (praying I didn’t wake up 15-month-old Ben), and drank a glass of water.  I still didn’t feel any movement.  I decided to wake up my husband, Jason, and instantaneously broke out in hysterical tears. I hadn’t felt Ryan move in over 45 minutes and I wanted to go to the hospital immediately!  I cried the whole way there, trying to talk myself out of thinking the worse, but I just couldn’t.  We ran into the hospital and begged them to hook me up to see if anything was wrong.  Within minutes, we were in triage, strapped to a monitor and saw to our relief that our baby boy was just sleeping soundly.  I drank some orange juice and he started to stir.  It was one of the scariest moments in my life and as we drove home, I hugged my belly and told him I would be waiting patiently for him, whenever he was ready to arrive.

Three days later, after a gorgeous evening walk, pizza dinner, and a little vino, I was awoken from my semi-deep sleep to some mild abdominal cramping.  I checked my clock and started to feel some excitement as the cramping continued to surge every 10 minutes.  After an hour, I woke up my husband to tell him that I was having contractions and that they were starting to get pretty regular.  Now, this was the first time I had felt contractions like this, as I was induced with Ben and never felt the growing, consistent surging I was feeling now.  As I rolled out of bed, the contractions started to become even stronger and jumped to about every 6 minutes.  We immediately called my step-mom, as she was going to watch Ben, and left for the hospital as soon as she arrived.

The drive to the hospital was pretty horrible, as I was bent over with my head between my legs, trying to breathe… I am not one who can handle pain very well!  The check-in at the hospital was a blur, as all I wanted to do was get into my room and the walk down that hospital corridor seemed like a 10K, as I paused every few steps to grab my pulsating belly.  By now it was 3am.  My mom and mother-in-law joined us in the labor/delivery room.  My mom began to massage my legs as I breathed through the contractions.  Had I known what I know now, I would have gotten out of that bed and walked around as much as I could to just keep things going.  Instead, I sat in bed, breathing through every contraction, gripping my mom and husband’s hands until each one dissipated.  Then, the shaking set in….I was so frustrated because mentally I felt like I could power through this a bit more, yet I felt like my body was showing me that it couldn’t handle this anymore.  I waited until about 4:30 before calling for the anesthesiologist.

After the epidural was administered, we all relaxed a little, just watching the contractions ebb and flow on the computer screen.  By 7am, I was fully dilated and the doctor was paged.  I had no idea what to expect from here.  With Ben, I was in labor for over 18 hours and pushed for 2.5 hours.  I wondered if I was in for a marathon again.  The doctor arrived and asked if I wanted a mirror to watch the birth.  While I was petrified to do this during Ben’s birth, I felt much more confident this time around and agreed to roll in the mirror.  Well, 2 pushes in, Ryan’s little head slipped out and the third push delivered his beautiful body.  And I was able to watch the whole thing!

My doctor brought Ryan to me and laid him on my chest as his umbilical cord finished pulsating.  My stomach immediately grew warm as he peed all over me and we laughed that at least his ‘parts’ were in working order!  Within 20 minutes, my sweet one had latched on beautifully and we laid there for over an hour just gazing into one another’s eyes, memorizing each other’s face and scent. 

And as I held my brand new son, this overwhelming sense of love enveloped me.  It was as if I knew how much joy this incredible being was going to bring to our lives.  That fear that I had felt for the past 9 months… the one where I would be incapable of loving another child as much as I loved Ben… it just disappeared within minutes.  That guilt that I initially felt about depriving Ben of more time with just me and Jason flew out the window as I began to envision the two of them as brothers, sharing things only brothers get to share.

Six years later, I remember Ryan’s birth like it was yesterday.  I still love to hold him and memorize his face and scent, as I know his face will continue to change and get older.  My heart still melts when I watch Ryan and Ben act like loving brothers, for I know that a sibling is the greatest gift a parent can ever bestow on a child.  And, while I may not have consciously chosen to have my kids 15 months apart, I know deep down in my soul that we were meant to have our Ryan.

Happy birthday, beautiful boy!  We all love you so very much!

Are New Moms Bombarded with TOO MUCH Information?

So I would like to take a virtual raise of hands to see how many of us have googled ‘sore nipples’ or ‘increasing milk supply’ on a random Thursday night at 11pm?  What about ‘when will my baby sleep through the night?’

Sure, we are blessed to live in a time when we can go online to find information on anything, yet, how legitimate and correct is this information we stumble upon?  If I search ‘sore nipples and breastfeeding’, I get over 327,000 hits… that is INSANE!  That many people have written an article about sore nipples?

And the information overload doesn’t end there.

Oh, Facebook….how I love and hate you at the exact same time.  

While I love seeing photos of my friends on Facebook, I also find myself feeling in competition with them for who is the BETTER mom.  Who plans the best art projects?  Who looks like she is the most relaxed?  Who always looks like she is enjoying her role as mom?  It can sometimes make me feel badly about myself.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I think my favorite aspect of the Internet is the way in which we can share our personal stories.  Personal stories are incredibly powerful.  When I read stories about what other moms are dealing with, it can often put my current situation into perspective.  I can relate to someone else, via the Internet, and feel like I actually know this woman, although I have never met her in real life.  The connections and support are empowering!

Yet, sometimes I think the Internet is a little too much of a good thing.  When my friends and clients are telling me about how they googled ‘reflux’ last night and now have 10 different diagnoses for their baby’s fussiness at the breast, I feel like their stress has elevated, rather than dissipated.  Their main questions were never answered.  Plus, while there is terrific parenting advice online, there is equally horrible, judgmental, and biased opinions that can really bring a mama down.

So what can an Information-Bombarded mom do to bring back her sanity?

This past week, I spent 4 days with my family, without Facebook and Google Reader.  Instead, I hiked, reconnected with my kids and my siblings, cooked nutritious meals, sat and watched my kids go on a scavenger hunt in a garden for an hour, and actually read a REAL book!  It was so therapeutic to purposefully ignore what everyone else was doing and what they were presently concerned about.  It was all about my family instead.

My favorite ways to actively become more present:

• Turn off my computer and phone…. I can instantly be in the moment.
• Spend more time outside….even writing this article was more relaxing as I sat on my outside couch with my feet up, soaking in the sun and the rustling branches.
• Take photos with a real camera, rather than my phone.  This way I can’t be interrupted by calls or emails.
• Bookmark my favorite sources of legitimate Internet information.  This way I spend less time weeding out the crappy articles and just read the beneficial ones.  For breastfeeding resources, I love Kellymom and Best for Babes.
• Hide my ‘perfect’ friends on FB.  It has saved me hours of thinking aggravating thoughts now that I don’t have to read their posts every day.
• Find time to decompress every day.  Parenthood, while rewarding, demands nonstop attention, which can really wear one down.  Sneaking out to throw the ball to my dog or hiding in the garage while I do my laundry can help quiet my mind and my stress during the times I need it the most.
• Find those few friends who can truly relate to you and will offer non-judgmental advice.... or even better, just listen when you need them to.
• If at all possible, take a small vacation.  While I try to decompress on a daily basis, I find that the stress of being a working mom just builds and builds until I explode.  This short vacation, spending time in nature and eating great food, with little contact with the outside world, definitely helped me hit my ‘restart’ button. 
• Find practitioners in my community that I trust.  Rather than googling ‘thrush’ or ‘vaccines’ online, I have someone that I can contact personally and get a straight answer based on my personal situation.  I recommend for my friends in other areas to check out ILCA's website for a list of qualified lactation consultants.

How about you?  What would you add to this list?

Advice for the New Breastfeeding Mom

Dear New Breastfeeding Mama,

All rights reserved by Rebeca CygnusAre you feeling completely overwhelmed by your new profession as Mother of a New Baby?  Are you googling sore nipples and how often should my newborn breastfeed while sitting awake at 3:30am?  Are you like me and only prepared for pregnancy and labor, but forgot to read the books about how to take care of a newborn?

Well, then look no further, my sweet friend!  Put the google search DOWN!

While I don't have all of the answers to breastfeeding and parenting  (let's be honest....who really does?), I do have some short and sweet resources that may be helpful for you in your time of need.  

And if you don't find what you are looking for on this list, add your question to the comments and I will do my best to provide you with the help you need!

Here are my Top 6 Advice for the New Breastfeeding Mom articles:

1. My Newborn is So Sleepy!

2. Laid-Back Breastfeeding: Physically and Mentally

3. Napping and Postpartum Sleep Deprivation

4. Common Concerns While Breastfeeding - Sore Nipple Therapy

5. Common Concerns While Breastfeeding - Help!  I'm Engorged!

6. How to Bring in Your Milk Supply More Quickly

The Lactation Consultant Who Changed My Life

On March 7, 2012, International Board Certified Lactation Consultants (IBCLCs) globally will celebrate their 11th official Annual IBCLC Day.  The theme for this year’s celebration isIBCLCs Make an Impact and this powerful statement definitely rings true in my life.

Six and a half years ago, an amazing, gentle IBCLC entered my home and changed the course of my life forever.  My son, Ben, was 4 days old.  I had just returned home from the pediatrician’s office and breastfeeding was NOT going well at all.  My fuller milk had not ‘come in’ yet.  My nipples were completely torn to shreds.  My son wanted to eat non-stop and my sanity had started to wane. 

Then, enter Eve.  Eve brought a scale, a bag of tricks, and a calmness that enveloped my entire home.  She had a way about her that put everyone at ease, including my hungry baby boy.  Within 90 minutes, Ben had latched (with the temporary help of a nipple shield), transferred 2oz (apparently my milk decided to perform for Eve, as well), and had happily fallen asleep on my chest.  More than providing latching assistance, though, Eve helped me to feel more confident about myself as a new breastfeeding mother, which is what I needed more than anything.

Over the next few months, I would stop by Eve’s weekly breastfeeding support group, to ask breastfeeding/reflux questions, visit with other breastfeeding mothers, and get a quick dose of self-confidence.  No matter what breastfeeding challenges I was facing at the time, Eve knew how to calm my fears and encourage me to trust my instincts.  It was the best money I had ever spent.

As my milk supply started to dwindle when my son was about 5 months old, I don’t know why I didn’t think to contact Eve.  In retrospect, I guess I didn’t think it was her job to support me past those first few months.  These thoughts may have been quite ridiculous, but at the time made sense to me.  My milk completely dried up when my son was 8 months old, which meant that I wasn’t able to meet my final breastfeeding goal of nursing past 1 year.  I have always regretted not reaching out for help at that time; however, that was no fault of Eve’s.

Eve’s impact on my life has been boundless.  As a nursing mother, she reinvigorated my self-confidence, which helped me to become a better parent.  As a woman, she taught me the importance of supporting other women through the journey of motherhood.  As a teacher, she taught me that listening can be more powerful than solving a problem.  And as a business woman, she inspired me to change my profession so that I could offer similar caring postpartum support to new mothers.

Eve, my IBCLC, made an immeasurable impact on my life, and I will be forever grateful!  My life is infinitely better and more fulfilling having met her. 

How Can I Support My Friend Whose Baby is in the NICU?

One of my favorite blogs out there is Secrets of Baby Behavior.  This is a research/experienced-based blog written by the very talented, well-educated, all-female staff at the UC Davis Human Lactation Center.  Their latest post, Supporting Parents of Preemies: Tips for Friends and Family, really struck a chord with me and I had the immediate urge to share with you all. 

While I have never had a preemie, nor a baby in the NICU, I have had several friends who have.  This list just illuminated all of the ways I wished I could have supported them better, and the ways in which I WILL support them if the situation arises in the future.  It is unbearable to watch a friend go through the heartbreak of having a child who is not well, but at least this list shares a few tools to help in a positive way.

As a side note, one of the coolest web sites I have seen lately is Food Tidings.  This is a site we used to organize dinner drop-offs for a friend whose baby was in the NICU.  Wouldn’t it be great if we set up a schedule for food drop-offs for all of our friends who just had babies?  BEST GIFT EVER!

Please click here to read the article about Supporting Parents of Preemies: Tips for Friends and Family.