Help a Mama Out: Tips for Talking with your Boss about Pumping

'Help a Mama Out' Topic of the Week:

Tips for Talking with Your Boss about Pumping

What's your best tip for discussing your pumping rights/schedule with your boss? 

Shelly Hovies Rogers: Be assertive with your rights, but be flexible and willing to work with your boss and coworkers.  I found my workplace to be quite accommodating to me when I nicely, but matter of fact, told them what I needed.  Also, although I didn’t have to quote the state law, I familiarized myself with it, just in case I needed to use it. 

Kelly Reyes: Before I left for maternity leave, I discussed my need to pump with my boss and then HR, just to make sure we were all on the same page.  When I had issues with the way the ‘wellness room’ schedule was being managed, my boss went to bat for me and fixed the problem that day! 

Marie Bishop: My best advice is to know the law and stand up for yourself and your baby.  In states, such as California, it is required by law that your employer provides a non-restroom space that is private for you to pump.

Meggin Dueckman: We just talked about it!  We’re all pretty close at work, so it was no problem.  I was the first of our staff to want/need to pump at work.  Mind you, here in Canada we get a year of maternity leave, so it’s not as common for people to want to pump as frequently when they return to work.  I only pumped 1 times a day at work, more for my own comfort!

Jamie Howell Swope: As a teacher at a school, it wasn’t an easy process, but I went in knowing the law and advised my principal ahead of time why I wanted to meet with her.  That way she had time to think about how to make it work, too.

Kat Picson Berling: I was really lucky in that 2 of my coworkers were pumping moms, so they had paved the way.  I told my boss that I was going to take 2 pumping breaks at x and y time and I will be in this office and it will take 15 minutes.  He was fine with it.  I’m not going to lie…. Because I had a cubicle at work, it was sometimes difficult to find a place to pump.  Even our HR coordinator wasn’t sympathetic for me.  Just make sure to know the law. 

Chantel McComber: My advice would be to put your fears aside.  Sometimes it’s hard as a working mom to ask for things because not everyone has them.  Remember that you are doing this for your health and your baby’s health and those are two things that should always come first.

Jennifer Haak: When I discussed my date of return, I told my boss that I needed a lock installed on my office door and I explained why.

Andrea Blanco: First, know your right.  Be sure that your company falls under those rights.  Then file that information away and try *not* to use it as it can be perceived as a threat (and no one likes to be threatened.)  Second, have a plan in place.  I find that if you’re willing to have the conversation in advance, go into it as sweet as possible, and have it all planned out as to how it will work for you (with consideration given to work environment/demands/pumping law.)  Then, it is much harder for your employer to say no. 

For the United States Lactation Accommodation laws, check out Break Time for Nursing Mothers

Top 10 Ways to Stop Caregivers from Overfeeding Your Breastfed Baby

I hear it all the time. 

Mom and partner get home from a much-needed date night to find out that grandma gave their 4-month old two 6oz bottles in 4 hours.

Mom picks up her baby from daycare to find out that her 6-month old took three 5oz bottles, plus the backup 5oz bottle in the freezer, in 8 hours.  She pumped 12oz at work and thought that would be plenty for the next day. (which it is!)

Mom comes home from getting a haircut to find that her partner gave their 3-month old a 5oz bottle.  The baby only ate 3oz, so her partner threw the extra 2oz away.

Who ever said there’s no crying over spilled (or wasted) milk never pumped breastmilk for her baby!

It’s hard work to pump… who has extra time when taking care of a newborn to pop on some plastic milk-extracting contraption and just sit for 15 minutes?  Um… no one!  So when a caregiver over feeds a baby, or throws away breast milk that could have been used at another time, it can be very frustrating and defeating for a mom.  And as that extra freezer stash starts to dwindle because of misuse and over feeding, moms might feel their stress levels spike to an uncomfortable high.

So how can a mom ensure that her baby’s caregiver isn’t overfeeding, or unnecessarily throwing away, that precious liquid gold she spent time to pump out?

Top 10 Ways to Stop Caregivers from Overfeeding Your Breastfed Baby

1. Keep bottles in small increments (2-4oz, depending on the weight and age of your baby) and tell the caregiver to wait in between bottles to assess the baby’s mood (to see if he/she is really hungry) – Haley

2. Use the slowest flow nipple you can find and use the 1oz per hour rule (offer 1oz per hour that you are away from your baby) – Miranda

3. Pre-make bottles in small increments. For example, leave two 3oz bottles so caregivers don’t have to divide a 6oz bag into two separate bottles. – Shelly

4. Go over Kellymom’s article with your baby’s caregiver, How to bottlefeeding the breastfed baby, which talks about paced bottlefeeding – Tova and Megan

5. After baby has taken the bottle, try other soothing techniques (i.e. rocking, singing, swaying, take on a walk) rather than offering more breastmilk in an extra bottle.

6. Keep a few extra 1oz bags of breastmilk in the freezer or fridge. That way, if your baby’s caregiver really needs to offer your baby a little bit more, it is a small amount and won’t go to waste.

7. Talk to your baby’s caregiver about reusing breastmilk. While there are no definitive studies that state the exact amount of time that breastmilk must be used within (once the bottle has been fed from), most lactation consultants believe that if a bottle of breastmilk isn’t completely finished, it is safe to place it back in the fridge and the remainder used within 4 hours. (Kellymom.com article - Reusing Expressed Breastmilk)

8. Use the milk calculator to figure out how much your baby will need per bottle. Keep in mind, this is only accurate until your baby weighs 14lbs. After that, your baby’s breastmilk need plateaus at about 28-35oz per day. It won’t go up beyond that, so those 6-8oz bottles are really unnecessary.

9. Have a heart to heart discussion with your baby’s caregiver. Let him/her know how important it is to you that your baby isn’t overfed while away from you. Show empathy and explain that you understand how challenging it is to read your baby’s cues and that things are easier for you because you can always soothe your baby with your breast, which is something the caregiver cannot do. Explain how much milk your baby truly needs in a bottle and during the time you are gone. Anything over that is too much for your baby and makes it difficult for you to keep up. Come up with unique ways for him/her to bond with and soothe your baby, rather than just relying on giving more breastmilk in a bottle.

10. This advice came from a nanny, which was written so well I didn’t want to paraphrase it. ‘I nannies a breastfed baby for about a year and communication with the mom was very important. I also stuck to a schedule. If it was getting close to time for another bottle and I expected her home soon, I would text or call her to see if she wanted me to wait if she was on her way. Also, we would talk in the morning and she would let me know if she planned on coming home for lunch so I knew not to make a bottle. When I noticed that her son’s appetite was increasing, I would let her know that he was acting more hungry increased his bottles 1oz at a time. We also worked on adjusting his schedule so instead of 4oz every 2 hours, we found that 5oz every 3 hours kept him happy. That way he only needed 2 bottles while she was gone (10oz) instead of 3-4 bottles (12-16oz). A big help was her freezer milk in a variety of ounces. I was able to defrost what I needed to give her son without wasting any. As a breastfeeding mom myself, I did my best to respect the hard work she put into building a stash of milk for her son. – Catie.

Help a Mama Out: Foods that Support Your Milk Supply

We know it can be difficult to eat those 1800-2000 (or more if you are exercising) calories a day to keep up a robust milk supply while breastfeeding, so here are some fantastic tips for delicious, easy, nutritious snacks!  Remember: Think healthy fats, complete proteins, and green veggies!

Here are some of the most effective milk production-supporting foods out there:

• Vegetables: green leafy vegetables, onion, garlic, asparagus, carrots, sweet potatoes, cauliflower, mushrooms, and seaweed
• Fruits: figs, dates, apricots, green papaya
• Nuts and Seeds: raw almonds and cashews, sesame seeds, flaxseed
• Oils: Extra virgin olive oil, organic butter, sesame seed oil, coconut oil, essential fatty acids (EFA)
• Grains and Legumes: quinoa, amaranth, pinto beans, chickpeas, whole brown rice
• Extras: brewer’s yeast, nutritional yeast, green drinks (spirulina, barley wheat grass, alfalfa leaf, oat straw, kelp), ginger

Here are some of our readers’ favorite tips for quick, healthy, easy to-go snacks:

Gina: Trail mix, muffins with veggies/flax/oatmeal, kale, green smoothies

Kate: I like Housepoet’s Famous Lactation Cookies

Stacey: Oatmeal with almonds.  I also keep a large jar of dried fruits and nuts on the counter so I can grab them when I’m on the go.

Kelli: I’ll have something like this (Moroccan Quinoa Pilaf) left over from dinner and add some avocado.  I drink a green smoothie almost everyday, too. 

Monifa: I make oatmeal with cranberries, apples, and raisins in bulk so there’s always some available.  I also love carrot sticks with guacamole, fruit smoothies w/ protein added and granola w/ toasted coconut.  Also I drink a ton of water.

Shannon: We love soups in this house! Caldo de pollo (chicken soup), white bean and ham, white chicken chili or turkey chili.  Soups are easy, you just prep and let them cook on the stove or in a crockpot, and they keep your body nice and warm to support milk production.  Snacks – I like Trader Joe’s Omega Rich Trail Mix or Justin’s Almond butter packs. 

Danielle: Carrots and hummus

Jennifer: Avocado, nut/trail mix

Abby: I love these Raw Energy Bites!

Here are a few of my favorite milk production-supporting snacks: Green smoothies with chia seeds, granola, and nut butter; hummus and veggies, crackers, or whole wheat pita; apples and almond butter; greek yogurt with granola and berries; avocado on EVERYTHING!; homemade trail mix (raw almonds, raw cashews, dried cranberries, dried coconut, dark chocolate, pumpkin seeds); cottage cheese with fruit; hard-boiled eggs.

My friend, Leigh Anne Webster, of 52 Healthy Weeks, recommends: Cut up fresh veggies with hummus or pesto; corn tortilla with lentils and a little bit of cheese; lowfat natural granola with blueberries and almond milk; organic tomato soup; and cheese and crackers with some fruit.

Lastly, here are a few of my favorite websites with highly-nutritious meals that support your milk supply:

Nourishing Meals 

Simple Green Smoothies

Dan Morris’s Pinterest Board

Clean Eating

Help a Mama Out: Surviving the First Few Weeks of Breastfeeding

What tips do you have for surviving the first few weeks of breastfeeding?

Maren: Lots of skin to skin to get those endorphins going so you can take advantage of all that delicious oxytocin (which will make you want to keep breastfeeding, even with things might be tough!)  Take advantage of all of the support you can – it will help normalize the experience so that you feel totally confident in your decision to breastfeed.  And know ahead of time that there is definitely a learning curve, but it only gets better and better, so hang in there!

Amanda: Make sure to talk to your partner about how you need him/her to support breastfeeding and encourage you, even when you get discouraged and feel like giving up!

Jamie: Get the latch correct right away!  Take advantage of the lactation consultants at the hospital and ask for a referral even if you don’t think you will need one.

Andrea: Trust your body!  Skin to skin, lots of water, and lots of rest.

Heather: Surround yourself with at least one supportive person.  I would never have made it through those weeks without the support of my husband.

Alicia: Hire a postpartum doula.

Juli: Surround yourself with women (and men!) who support breastfeeding.  It gets easier – it is definitely worth pushing through the tough parts in the beginning!

Billie: Make really good friends with the lactation consultant and local breastfeeding support group before delivery.  They will be able to offer so much support in those first few weeks.  Trust your supply.  Make sure you are comfortable!

Monica: I went to classes and read books, which helped, but nothing prepares you for the real thing.  Get help early, if you need it.  Hiring a lactation consultant was the best thing I did.  Keep telling yourself you will try it for one more day and one day it will become second nature.  Coconut oil worked wonders on sore nipples.

Christine: OMG… best advice I got was to rub breastmilk around your nipples after every nursing session!  My cracked tatas healed within 2 days of doing that!

Chelle: If it hurts and you are dreading the next nursing session, don’t just tough it out!  Get help ASAP before it gets worse or turns into an issue that makes you quit! Take a prenatal class.  Breastfeeding is natural, but that doesn’t mean you will naturally know what to do.

Sarah: Don’t expect anything else from yourself.  Set up what you can ahead of time and find someone else to do everything else that needs to be done.  Establishing your breastfeeding relationship is your job.

Jen: Get a Netflix subscription and ignore the dirty dishes!

Danielle: Don’t do anything but rest, breastfeed, nap, and eat.  Nothing else matters right now.

Abbey: Celebrate every success, no matter how small it seems!

Desiree: Find support!  And be patient…it’s not always easy, but it’s most certainly worth it! 

Sofia: Learn the basics!  Before birth is possible!  Proper latch, how milk supply works, most common myths about breastfeeding, how to know if your baby is getting enough, why it is REALLY important to feed on cue rather than a schedule, why baby doesn’t need ANYTHING else but your breastmilk, etc.

Amanda: Don’t give up! Get help and support!  Spend as much time as you can with your baby (in bed if you can.)

Priscilla: Relax.  Don’t listen to anyone that’s not helpful. Determine your own needs for comfort.

Joanna: Expect to care for your baby and get others to help with meals and housework.

Thanks to everyone who responded to our questions on our San Diego Breastfeeding Center and The Boob Group Facebook pages.  Check back every Tuesday for a new Help a Mama Out tip!

To find an international board certified lactation consultant, visit www.ilca.org

Here are a few more articles on our website, specifically dealing with breastfeeding a newborn:

Advice for a Newly Breastfeeding Mama’s Partner

Breastfeeding Expectations for the First Month

Newborn Hands: Why are they always in the way while breastfeeding?

Advice for the New Breastfeeding Mom

Advice for a Newly Breastfeeding Mama’s Partner

Let’s face it… becoming a new parent can be extremely overwhelming!  I still remember that first drive home from the hospital.  My husband and I were cracking up as we stared at our son in the car seat behind us.  “Can you believe that they trusted us enough to take this little guy home?  Do they know that we have never changed a diaper or bathed a baby before?  What were they thinking????”

As I spent the first few weeks mastering breastfeeding, it became apparent that two sets of hands were often better than one.  It amazed me that an entire day would pass before I realized that I forgot to eat or take a shower.  It was my hubby, aka breastfeeding cheerleader/parenting partner, that made sure that I was being taken care of as I was all consumed in feeding and caring for our newborn.

I often get asked by the soon-to-be parents in my breastfeeding classes about the roles of the partner.  What role does he/she play while mom is breastfeeding? Many partners often feel like they don’t have a defined role when their partner is breastfeeding because unless his/her breasts start lactating, it is truly a one person feeding show for those first few weeks.   Plus, diaper duty doesn’t sound too glamorous!

So, instead of writing an article for the newly breastfeeding mama this week, this blog post is actually for her partner… the one who makes sure that the ship doesn’t sink!  Let me tell you…. your job is WAY more important than you may think. 

Before we get to the advice, I’d like to let you in on an important secret…. You are the glue that binds your new family together.  You are an integral component in the happiness and sanity of your household!  The bond you form with your partner, who has just stepped into this new parenting role just like you, is just as powerful as the bond you create with your new baby.  Your compassion and support will not only increase your partner’s self-esteem, but will also make or break her breastfeeding experience.

So, now here is some advice for the newly breastfeeding mama’s partner, from a few of my favorite breastfeeding mamas!  Here’s how their partners supported them during those first few weeks:

Marie: Encouragement and the willingness to wake up around the clock with me.  I nursed, he did diapers… it helped me not feel alone and crazy at 2am.

Grace: My partner constantly replenished my snacks and water glass!  And reassured me that what I was doing was the right thing.  I’m so glad he didn’t let me give up and let us see a new lactation consultant, ENT doctor, and chiropractor… otherwise we wouldn’t still be nursing at 13 months!

Jessica: He prepared all of my meals and then did the dishes!  With such frequent breastfeeding in those first few weeks/months, it’s hard to get in good nutrition for mom.  I was so grateful that I didn’t have to think about feeding myself or my husband!

Danielle: My wife did everything…brought me food and water, did the dishes and laundry, fixed our cloth diapers, and made sure I got to bathe.  And when it was super painful, she looked up stuff on google, got ice packs and coconut oil, and helped him latch each time.  It was truly a team effort!

Cassandra:  Helping with household chores – running to the store, encouraging me to drink water… all those things you don’t have time to do in the beginning because you’re busy sustaining your newborn.

Arelis: My baby is now 20 weeks and exclusively breastfed.  My husband calls breastfeeding a ‘special treat.’  Whenever he holds our daughter, he asks her if she is ready for her ‘special treat.” The baby just giggles and knows what’s coming next.

Maren: Dividing duties because breastfeeding in those early weeks is so all-consuming – so, changing diapers, clothes, rocking and comforting – just trying to even out the responsibilities so that I didn’t get overwhelmed.  And not judging me when marathon feeds meant sitting in front of Netflix for 3 hours.  Those were actually wonderful days made more lovely by my awesome husband!

Liana: For me, it was just knowing that he never doubted my ability to nourish our child and never questioned when I said that the baby wanted/needed to nurse again (even if he just finished 15 minutes prior.)  What’s more, with an oversupply, he supported my pumping so that I could donate to others, despite my milk taking over the freezer!

Shannon: I couldn’t have gotten through those 1st 8 weeks without my partner.  He got up with me to help with every night feeding while we still had to finger feed one of the twins.  He helped swaddle them, get them into their crib, and do whatever while I pumped.  He brought me water and snacks, took care of me and the babies each time I got mastitis, and took care of our 4 year old, too.  I think I would have given up if it weren’t for him, but I’m still going strong and the boys are almost 5 months old!

Melissa: Stayed by my side during night time feedings.  He kept me awake when things were going smoothly and kept me calm when feedings were frustrating.

Alicia: Since our daughter was so early, my husband did skin to skin with her for the first few weeks!

Help a Mama Out: What to Do When Your Baby Refuses a Bottle

What tricks have worked for you when your breastfed baby refused a bottle?

Michelle La Plante: Bottle boot camp with daddy!  I left the apartment for the day, leaving baby and daddy there with plenty of expressed breastmilk and a bottle.  By the end of the day, they had figured it out.  (Kudos to hubby for this – it was tough on him to see her cry and fuss…. But, then again, his breasts didn’t leak at the sound of the baby crying!)

Amanda Garfinkel Young: Early and often worked well with my second.  With my first, the nanny had a good trick.  She held him facing out, looking out the window and fed him with the bottle in the other hand.  A little awkward, but it seemed to distract him from the fact that he wasn’t looking up at mama while eating.

Danielle Smith: Try lots of different bottles.

Stephanie Lorenzen: After trying a number of different bottles, we used a spoon and a shot glass.  We then moved on to a straw cup after 4 months of age.

Julie Chapin: As a nanny, I went through this.  Had to have mama away at first.  Plus, baby had to be laying or sitting out of arms… could not resemble nursing at all.  First successes were warm bottle given in a drowsy state as baby was waking in her bassinet.  Windows and toys distracting baby at other times or in a bouncy chair.  Had to use droppers and spoon feeding with a few babies leading up to the bottle.

Natalie Quebodeaux Cavender: Sippy cup!  Turns out he hated the warmed milk and not the bottle.  He likes mama’s milk cold when not from the tap!!!  LOL!

Jennie Bever: My first one took a straw cup fine.  Second one reverse cycled.  Now that he’s older, he’ll also take breastmilk warm in a straw cup.  He would also drink out of a regular cup, although it’s a bit messier!

Liz Anderson Weaver: At daycare, we have had to resort to using medicine droppers with two babies.  Then we tried ERERy NIPPLE EVER until we found their perfect bottle combo.  Both suck ‘em down like champs now!

Stacey Singh: I read that if you have the person who is feeding your baby wear the robe or another article of clothing you wear frequently, it can really help.  I had my husband try it and my baby actually did take a little from a bottle.  We’re still working on it though.

Sylvia Padilla Sullivan: We tried different bottles.  Because he is older (4.5mos), one with a pretty fast, easy flow worked better than the ones we had been trying (like when he was tiny and still learning to suck.)

Thanks to everyone who responded to our questions on our San Diego Breastfeeding Center and The Boob Group Facebook pages.  Check back every Tuesday for a new Help a Mama Out tip!

Creating a Sense of Community When Using Donor Milk

In an effort to demystify milk sharing, for the next few weeks we will be sharing stories from breastfeeding moms who either donated their excess breastmilk or supplemented their baby with someone else’s milk.  For more information about milk sharing, both informal and through milk banks, please visit our article: Supplement Options: Donor Milk, Milk Banks, and Formula, as well as our Boob Group podcast episode, Low Milk Supply: Donor Milk, Milk Banks, and Formula.

Today on the San Diego Breastfeeding Center blog, I am honored to share Cara's story, which demonstrates how a sense of community can blossom through supplementing with and donating breast milk.  If  you would like to submit your story to be shared with our readers, please email me at robinkaplan@sdbfc.com.  Thank you so much, Cara, for sharing your inspiring story with us!  Your daughter is so lucky to have you as her mother!

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I feed my daughter a mix of my breast milk, formula and donated breast milk from 5 different women. Not only has donated breast milk benefitted my daughter's digestion and overall health, it has introduced me to other moms that I'm now proud to consider part of my community.

We were only two days postpartum, after a beautiful unmedicated birth, when the first hospital-based lactation consultant looked at my breasts and her face fell a little bit. She informed me with a matter of fact tone that I might have breast hypoplasia/Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT).  She said not to try too hard or be too hard on myself, as physiologically I might never make enough milk for my daughter.  It turns out, she was right. When my milk finally came in, my daughter only transferred 10ml per feeding - less than half an ounce.  However, through herbal supplements, medication, and pumping after each feeding I've managed nearly 4 months later to increase that amount to 20-30ml per feeding, but that's another story for another time.  Bottom line: I've only ever made 8-10 ounces of breastmilk a day, max. Not nearly enough for my daughter.  So at 4 days postpartum, after my daughter's weight dropped too far and my milk supply was not increasing: my husband helped me begin supplementing with formula using a syringe and feeding tube at the breast.  I was just relieved to have a plan, and as my daughter thrived I was grateful for formula and the nourishment it was offering my baby.

At 6 days postpartum we met with a local IBCLC.  She guided us on how to continue trying to increase my milk supply, and in the meantime how much to supplement.  And she also mentioned donor milk.  

I originally brushed off the idea of donor milk.  While it made sense since human breast milk is the best food for babies, it seemed like it would be awkwardly intimate to use another mother's milk, and I was also afraid of disease. My husband and I were not in a place to pay the high price for formal milk bank donor milk, and informal channels made me nervous.  I was also clinging to the hope that all the work I was putting into making my own breast milk would pay off and I might someday be able to exclusively breastfeed.  A few weeks later, however, I had to come to the painful realization that would never happen.  I cried as I realized I would be supplementing my daughter’s diet with either formula or donor milk for the long-term.  

So I began looking into donor breast milk.  I checked out the Human Milk for Human Babies Facebook pages, but was too uncomfortable with the idea of taking milk from strangers, so I sent an exploratory email to the moms I know in the area, asking if they or anyone they knew had extra milk they could donate.  Somehow breast milk from friends or friends of friends made me a lot more comfortable.  I only sent that email to 6 other mamas, but one friend responded that her friend had some extra milk due to an oversupply.  Another friend/co-worker responded that she herself was weaning her toddler, and had just stopped pumping at work.  She offered to resume pumping once a day and donate that milk to us.  I was blown away with gratitude - what a gift… but, also nervous.  Do we trust other milk enough to feed it to our daughter?  My husband and I made a decision together: to trust.  We decided these moms were feeding this milk to their own babies, so we would choose to feed it to our baby as well.  

I first accepted donated breast milk from my friend and co-worker.  I supplied her with breast milk storage bags which she filled and labeled.  For her it was very little milk, just 4 ounces or so a day, but for us and my young baby that was a significant amount.  I was so grateful, and felt humbled.  This was a gift I could never repay.  I would normally be uncomfortable with this imbalance - accepting a gift I couldn't repay - but was willing to do anything for my baby.  And my friend's attitude helped tremendously - she was so kind and sweet and seemed honored to give this gift to my baby.  A few days later, this friend texted me asking if my daughter liked her milk.  I laughed as she explained that it felt like she'd made a casserole for someone -- and wanted to know if she liked it!  My daughter certainly liked her milk, and I texted her a picture of my daughter in a post-meal milk-drunk stupor with a happily full tummy.  After all - that happily full tummy was the reason we were doing all of this.

The friend-of-the-friend was also incredibly kind, and we set up a time to pick up the milk from her.  She made me comfortable by asking if we were OK with the two cups of coffee she has in the morning.  Just her awareness of this issue made me feel she was a conscientious Mama aware of how her breast milk could affect her baby, and my baby.  She did request that we not tell her husband - as he would be weirded out by it all.  This honestly made me a little uncomfortable as I was so recently myself overcoming the 'weirdness' factor.  But she also seemed honored to help out and with an oversupply was happy her milk was going to good use.

I then met a woman with oversupply at a breastfeeding support group.  She was exclusively pumping and had repeated bouts with mastitis so was pumping far more than her daughter needed in a day.  I picked up some donated breast milk from her - feeling comfortable because we'd met a couple times at group, and I knew she'd struggled to do her best for her baby.  We laughed a bit sadly as we realized we were in similar conundrums.  Both pumping all the time - me in an effort to build supply and her in an effort to stave off mastitis.  She seemed happy to help my daughter, and I promised to provide her with replacement breast milk storage bags.  Somehow - buying donor moms breast milk storage bags feels like I'm repaying them just a bit - or at least making it a bit easier for them. 

By 8 weeks of age my daughter was thriving with about a quarter to a third of her diet coming from my breast milk, and the rest a mix of formula and donor milk.  I was first afraid to tell my daughter's pediatrician that we were using donated milk.  At my daughter's two month appointment I tentatively brought up donor milk - then quickly mentioned I was aware of the risks of contracting diseases and the like.  Our pediatrician didn't seem fazed at all that I was using donated breast milk - and she even encouraged it.  She brought up the fact that women with new babies have been tested for infectious disease during their prenatal care - so the risks are very low.  She was very comfortable with us feeding my daughter donated breast milk, which made me even more comfortable myself!  

I was also so grateful for the donated breast milk as it also seemed to help my daughter’s tummy, as she began struggling with constipation from the iron in formula.  We switched formulas to a brand we thought was better and cheaper - double bonus.  However, my daughter started straining to pass hard little pellets, and stopped eating as much. We were very concerned.  We began to consider giving her apricot nectar to help her bowels and with the hope she would start eating enough again.  However, before the fruit juice, I wanted to try one more thing - my friend/co-worker had just given us about 12 ounces of breast milk so instead of spreading that amount out over a couple of days, I decided to try feeding it to her all in one day to see if it helped her tummy.  It did!  It made me sad to realize formula was affecting her so negatively, but so happy to have a tool on hand - donated breast milk - to help my daughter gently.  We switched back to a brand of formula we knew worked better for my daughter, but she still had sluggish bowels.    

Having seen the benefit of breast milk on my baby's tummy I decided to give Human Milk for Human Babies a try - milk from strangers.  This decision was also encouraged by an internet community I had found of other mamas with low milk supply - some of whom were exclusively feeding their babies with donated breast milk from many different mamas. I posted a request on the Human Milk for Human Babies Southern California page on Facebook.  Immediately after posting I panicked realizing the post might go up on other people’s news feeds.  While my husband and I had become comfortable with donated breast milk, and I was open about my low milk supply struggles with friends and family, I was NOT open about using donated breast milk.  I just didn't want to have to defend our decision, when we had been a bit conflicted about it ourselves.  I'm still not sure if it went up publicly or not, but I decided to only deal with it if someone brought it up. They didn't.  

First a woman in Anaheim asked if I would make the 3-4 hour round trip drive up there to get breast milk from her. I decided I wouldn't.  I wanted donated breast milk for my baby, but formula was working OK and I decided the time in the car in Southern California highway traffic was not worth it for me and my daughter.  Then another woman private messaged me saying she was in the area, had never donated before, didn't have any diseases, only had small amounts of alcohol after her infant daughter goes to bed for the longest stretch between feedings, and had some frozen breast milk that was about to expire and needed to be used.  Her message made me feel comfortable, and I messaged her back thanking her for her openness and explaining I had never accepted milk from a connection with a stranger on a website before.  We decided to meet for the first time at a mall near me, as she was going to the Hollister nurse-in.  

It felt kind of like a Craigslist sale, meeting this stranger to exchange goods, except without the financial component.  I texted her telling her to look for a woman wearing a sleeping baby in a baby carrier (me)- then she walked up wearing her daughter in a baby carrier as well - and with a large cooler full of frozen breast milk.  Her husband and older son were with her, but as we started talking breastfeeding and postpartum struggles they wandered away.  She sort of smiled and said her husband had wanted to come with her to meet this stranger from the internet.  We laughed and then I wondered: why the heck was I so willing to just go meet a stranger from the internet without anyone with me?!  Minutes after meeting her I'd felt comfortable.  She was a mama with plenty of breast milk who stored some up when her daughter was much younger - and as the frozen milk neared its expiration date, she didn't want it going to waste.  We are both moms who knew breast milk was best for our babies, and both moms doing our best to provide what we can.  We've stayed in touch, as she might have some more milk for us in the future as she easily pumps above and beyond her daughter's needs. Even if she doesn't, we are grateful for the gift she has given us.

Since then, I met another mom in a breastfeeding support group, also exclusively pumping and with more milk than her daughter needs.  After meeting her a few times and running into her in my neighborhood, she insisted she could begin providing us with fresh breast milk every couple of days.  I accepted. Once again, I felt comfortable as I knew she was doing the best she could for her baby and attending support groups for support.  Since then I've enjoyed meeting up with her for walks as we compared the struggles of new mama-hood.

I still sometimes have fears of my daughter contracting a communicable disease - or imagine the horror of a donor realizing she has something she didn't know she had - but have decided that the benefits outweigh the risks.  I'm not yet open with family about the fact that we're using donor milk.  Perhaps that's an indicator that I'm still not 100% OK with it, but mostly I think it's because I just don't want to have to defend our decision.  The heartbreak of low milk supply is something I've learned to speak rather matter of factly about -- but how we choose to feed our daughter is nobody’s business, but our own.  Who we choose to involve in that decision (for example: our pediatrician, our lactation consultant) is just that - our choice. Perhaps over time I'll be more open about the donor milk that is helping to nourish my daughter -- writing up our experience like this is a start!

Thanks to my breast milk, donated breast milk, and formula my daughter is thriving.  Thanks to donated breast milk I've gotten to know other moms in a new way and we've built a community I never even dreamed we'd have.  I am just so grateful for this gift other moms have given my daughter!

Mustering Courage to Accept Breastmilk From a Friend

In an effort to demystify milk sharing, for the next few weeks we will be sharing stories from breastfeeding moms who either donated their excess breastmilk or supplemented their baby with someone else’s milk.  For more information about milk sharing, both informal and through milk banks, please visit our article: Supplement Options: Donor Milk, Milk Banks, and Formula, as well as our Boob Group podcast episode, Low Milk Supply: Donor Milk, Milk Banks, and Formula.

Today on the San Diego Breastfeeding Center blog, I am honored to share Christine McCarty's story about how she mustered up the courage to ask a friend for extra breastmilk for her baby.  If  you would like to submit your story to be shared with our readers, please email me at robinkaplan@sdbfc.com.  Thank you so much, Christine, for sharing your inspiring story with us!

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My story starts several months ago, when my daughter was about 5 months. I have a friend who has Raynaud's disease and pumps constantly to continue to give her son the best nutrition she can. We were having a conversation about breastfeeding (as most of our conversations are about, lol) and she mentioned she produced 80-120oz PER DAY! A few weeks later I was off to see my favorite IBCLC frantic and in tears because for 2 days I had only pumped 1.5oz (from both breasts total, not individually) per pumping session at work. I remember hugging my lactation consultant, crying in her shoulder, telling her "I'm losing it, I'm losing my daughter's lifeline, I'm such a poor mom, I just can't keep up." After much reassurance, we got back on the right track, but I still had the issue that my production hadn't gotten back up to speed for the next day I had to go to work.

I was in the grocery store about to buy some formula when I thought of my friend and how she was complaining she was running out of freezer space.  I immediately put the formula back on the shelf. I knew I had to do something, but nothing about giving my daughter formula felt comfortable, and I wanted to exhaust the only other option I thought I had… my friend! I had to think about how to approach her to ask her about using her milk because I wasn't sure how comfortable she would be with it, since there's such a huge stigma attached. I mustered up the courage and called her to ask her to discuss milk sharing with her husband and see if they were mutually comfortable with it.  

My friend started crying and I was in shock! Had I offended her? Was she sorry for me and my low production rate? Was this the end of our friendship? No way! She said she was so honored that I would come to her to ask for help and this meant so much to her to be able to help our family and help my daughter! She talked it over with her husband that night and it was settled.  They brought 180oz to my house the next day along with her medical testing she had gotten done throughout her pregnancy and all she had afterwards, along with her son's paperwork.

The funny thing is, after I had gotten her milk, I became a total milk maid! My production boosted SO much! I'm sure it was because I knew I had her milk to rely on and that took off all the pressure I had put on myself.  I didn't even need to use her milk until I had to go out of town for a week for work when my daughter was 8 months old. This time she donated 300oz. My daughter drank and lived happily off of her milk while I was across the country and when I came back she latched right back onto me and we've been nursing beautifully ever since.  Now at 9 1/2 months she's still sucking strong and we'll continue to support breastfeeding and milk sharing :)

Also, my friend now feeds two other families who's children are exclusively drinking her milk (no solids yet), as well as her own six month old son, WHAT A ROCKSTAR!!!

Breastfeeding in Public is Legal in California, Right?

Recently San Diego, California (aka America’s Finest City) has been hit with some pretty obnoxious breastfeeding-in-public harassment situations.  While I assumed that most Californians knew that breastfeeding in public was legal in our wonderful state, apparently, most people don’t.  Even my husband, who is an attorney and married to a lactation consultant, was unaware that there was actually a California law that protected a woman’s right to nurse in public. 

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE????

First and foremost, it is shocking to me that we actually need a law to protect a woman’s right to feed her baby in public, but yet, I must remind myself that most people think breasts are for fun rather than functionality.

Secondly, why don’t most people know that this law exists? 

Third, how is it possible that EVEN WITH a law stating a woman can breastfeeding in public, mothers are STILL being harassed for doing so?

What does the California law actually say?

According to California Civil Code, section 43.3, “Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a mother may breastfeed her child in any location, public or private, except the private home or residence of another, where the mother and the child are otherwise authorized to be present.” 

In laymen’s terms: a mother may breastfeed her child in ANY public space!

Are you ready to hear about the situation where a mother was harassed for nursing in public?

Hope you’re sitting down for this one!

On January 8, 2013, Rebecca Garcia was breastfeeding her 8 month old son in one of the courtrooms at the Chula Vista Courthouse.  When her son started to fuss, the bailiff, Deputy Chong, approached Rebecca and asked what she was doing.  When Rebecca said she was breastfeeding, Deputy Chong stated loudly, in front of the entire courtroom, “You should be ashamed of yourself, it’s inappropriate, you need to leave and go outside, do that somewhere else private, and it is illegal to breastfeed in court!”

Rebecca reported that, “I felt embarrassed and ashamed because of the way that the Deputy was staring me down, so I unlatched my child thinking I should leave.  I did not want to interrupt the proceedings and I was so embarrassed and started to get very emotional. The judge heard the commotion and stopped the court and asked what was going on.  I explained to her what the deputy said and she said that I could stay. She also asked me if I had a cover, which I did, and gave permission to continue breastfeeding.  I was relieved to hear this from her because the Deputy was so rude and uncaring.” 

Unfortunately, Rebecca’s son started to fuss again, so she chose to leave the courtroom and breastfeed in a cubicle in the hallway, due to her embarrassment from the confrontation. 

This is where I hope you’re sitting down….

Deputy Chong followed Rebecca out of the courtroom and continued to harass her for breastfeeding in the courtroom, making many disparaging comments, including his opinion that she should be ashamed of herself.  At one point, Rebecca attempted to leave Deputy Chong’s presence, and Deputy Chong went so far as to physically block her way out of the cubicle so that he could continue the harassment.  Finally, even when Rebecca exited the cubicle, Deputy Chong followed her to say a few more disparaging comments, finishing with, “I don’t know what kind of world you live in, but it’s not okay to breastfeed in public.”

Following this incident, Rebecca filed a complaint with Deputy Chong’s supervisor.  The supervisor informed Rebecca that she would speak with Deputy Chong, but not to expect a phone call describing the resolution or any form of apology.

Again, how is this possible?  The fact that Rebecca’s right was so egregiously violated inside of a California State courtroom by a California State employee shows that awareness of this law is clearly lacking.

Fortunately, Rebecca decided that her story needed to be heard.  Following this incident, she contacted our San Diego County Breastfeeding Coalition.  Katherine Doan, another breastfeeding mom who happened to be a witness to this incident, contacted me through our San Diego Breastfeeding Center Facebook page to see if I could help as well.  I was so moved by Rebecca’s story (as were all of you), that I knew I had to do something!  Plus, ironically just 1 week before I found out about this incident, I had written an article for Lactation Matters about how I planned to create change in my community for protecting a mother’s right to breastfeed in public.  Coincidence…. I think not!

Here’s what Rebecca and I have done so far….

We’ve contacted the San Diego County Courts to request a meeting with their executive officer to discuss the following:

• A request to place a substantial segment in the court’s annual discrimination training to educate their staff regarding the language of California Civil code, section 43.3, that states a woman can breastfeed in public.
• A request that ALL San Diego courthouses display ‘Breastfeeding Welcome Here’ stickers.
• A demand that Rebecca Garcia receives a formal, written apology for the actions of Deputy Chong.

Due to the publicity on our Facebook page, Caridad Sanchez, a staff member from Senator Barbara Boxer’s office, contacted me and was moved to action.  Caridad was appalled by Rebecca's nursing in public incident and inspired to help remedy this situation, as well as make sure that this doesn't continue to happen to other breastfeeding mothers.  Caridad and I plan to meet in the next few weeks to discuss how she can help connect me with state legislators to pursue an enforcement provision to the CA state law, as well as other possibilities to protect the rights of breastfeeding women.

It is my every hope that this situation resolves in a peaceful and compassionate manner.  I will continue to update this blog as more details and resolutions become available. 

In the meantime, here’s what you can do to make a difference:

• Next time you see a mother breastfeeding in public, please smile at her and show your support.
• Learn about the laws in your state that protect the rights of mothers breastfeeding in public: United States Breastfeeding Laws at Nursing Freedom.
• If you have been harassed while nursing in public, call the Best for Babes NIP Harassment Hotline to report the incident: 1-855-NIP-FREE

The more we can ‘normalize’ breastfeeding in public, or breastfeeding in general, the less common this form of harassment will be.

Breastfeeding with Hypoplasia

Today, on the San Diego Breastfeeding Center blog, I'm honored to share Fakiha Khan's memoir about her battle with Insufficient Glandular Tissue.  If you would like to submit your story as well, please email me at robinkaplan@sdbfc.com.  Thank you so much, Fakiha, for sharing your story with us!  It's stories like yours that make me want to be the best mom I can be! 

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When my son was born 2 and 1/2 years ago, I wanted nothing more than to be able to breastfeed him.  He was in the NICU for a week after he was born, and I really did not get to nurse him until he was a week old.  By that point, he had trouble latching on, and my milk just was not coming in.  For the next five weeks, I did what I could.  I tried to nurse him every hour and a half, I pumped, I took herbs, and I finally went to see a lactation consultant. 

I will never forget how shocked she was that my son transferred only 1/2 an ounce at the age of five weeks.  Other than telling me to continue pumping with a hospital grade pump, the consultant had no other ideas of why I was not producing milk.  She kept saying to me - it is the most natural thing to produce milk.  It's all about demand and supply.  If you keep putting him on your breast, the milk will come. Well, I kept trying, and after weeks of emotional torture and physical discomfort, I finally gave up.  I was producing an ounce of milk from both breasts at that point.  And, giving up was not easy.  I felt like a complete failure, like I could not do the thing that is supposed to be so natural. 

I got a second chance when my daughter was born two months ago.  I figured that, with my son, I just didn't get started on nursing quickly enough.  This time, I decided to be proactive even before the baby was born.  I talked to people and a lactation consultant prior to giving birth.  This consultant suggested that I might have a physiological problem such as hypoplasia, but I would not know until I got checked out.  I didn't get a chance to do so before I gave birth, but I went into the birth with hope of doing better this time. 

When the baby was born, I immediately put her on my chest and I nursed her within a half hour of birth; I kept her with me nonstop, nursing her whenever I could.  But, within the first two days, it was clear that I was not even making enough colostrum.  I had to give her some formula.  My fuller colostrum finally came in at day 3 and the milk first came in on day 5.  But, despite nursing every hour and a half, the baby was still fussing and clearly unsatisfied. 

Those old feelings of frustration and failure came rushing back to me.  I kept thinking, this is supposed to be so natural.  Every mammal mother makes milk for her child, yet, I can't feed my baby who is trying so hard to get out a few drops of milk from me.  All of the instructions from the breastfeeding class kept repeating in my head.  I kept thinking, maybe today I will suddenly make the milk my baby needs, maybe today.   

Before giving up, I went to see my doctor to find out if I had hypoplasia.  The doctor told me that hypoplasia was not possible, as I did not have the physical signs (tubular breasts that are set far apart) and because I was making some milk even if it was only an ounce at a time.  So, I thought, ok, there has to be something I can do.  So, I did some research and found out about fenugreek.  I began taking that, and immediately I got a boost in my milk supply.  But, then within a week, it started going back down again.  At this point, I was ready to scream, but before giving up, I decided to consult another lactation consultant.

As it happened to be, this consultant specialized in low milk supply.  She finally told me what I had been suspecting - I have insufficient glandular tissue.  The consultant suggested a number of herbs and medication, all of which I tried.  Again, my milk supply went up very quickly, but now after 3 weeks, I see it going back down again.  I still don't know if any of the medications or herbs (which I understand work by increasing hormone levels) really work with insufficient glandular tissue.  Can they create tissue where none exists?  No one can seem to answer this question for me. 

Now, I continue pumping during the day, saving the little bit of milk I made (about an ounce and half), and mixing it with formula.  I nurse when I can and regularly throughout the night.  But, I have resolved myself to the fact that I will not be able to exclusively rely on breast milk.  It's a very sad realization, and I wish I had a solution, something to fix this problem, or even a bit more information.  Alas, I do the only thing I can and, in the process, laugh at myself when I am proudly toting home the four-ounces of breast milk I take home after pumping 3 to 4 times at work.  To a regular breastfeeding mom, four ounces is probably how much she produces in one feeding.  For me, it's a day-long effort, and at the end of the day, I carry it home with the same pride as if I had just discovered gold!