Toddler Nursing Part III - Super Breastfed Baby!

Written by guest blogger, Andrea J. Blanco, IBCLC

My seven year old is really, really into the Super Diaper Baby series. So much so (embarrassing story for which I will pay for dearly in 10 years coming up right now) that the other day, he fished through all the dirty clothes to find 8 (yes, 8!!!!) underwear to put on simultaneously along with a cape so that he could reenact parts of the book. I’m not entirely sure why clean underwear couldn’t be used, but hey, welcome to the gnarly world of 7 year old boys. I’m still getting adjusted.  Anyway, whenever he yells “SUPER DIAPER BABY!!” all I hear is “SUPER BREASTFED BABY!!!” (you better have read that in your booming announcer voice; if not, please go back and reread).

Super Breastfed Baby is not a baby anymore. He’s a toddler who can leap off everything, get all bruised up and bounce right back up. He can run amazing distances while laughing hysterically at you chasing him and fall over 15 times, but who’s counting? He scoffs at the mere thought of you trying to clean. Or sit. Or cook. Or sleep. He knows what he wants and isn’t taking no for an answer. This is the breastfed baby magnified – the one that I was reminded of as I read some of your comments to Toddler Nursing Part I and Toddler Nursing Part II of the Toddler series. Super Breastfed Baby is who we’re going to tackle today.

The Scenario: You and Super Breastfed Baby are home and you are trying to get things done around the house.

I hate to say it, but nothing about this will ever get easy. But it can get easier. Having a child, nursing or otherwise, around the house means being very strategic in all that you do. Your toddler wakes at 7, you say? Well then, 6:15 is the time to set the alarm so you can chop veggies for tonight’s dinner, put a load of laundry in the washer, and prepare a to-do list for your partner. Waking earlier than your little one doesn’t work for you? Try naptime or after bedtime. When they’re awake what they want is to be entertained. By you. Because you’re the awesomest. EVER. And no one else can compare to the way YOU entertain them. And when you aren’t in the entertaining mood? You still have breasts. Which they love. All I keep thinking as I’m typing this paragraph is “That which you resist, persists.”

It’s easy to get caught up feeling like “I HAVE TO DO THIS NOW”, but sometimes, if you stop for a second and give in to Super Breastfed Baby’s demands (of nursing or block building or nursing while block building), you will find that time to do what you were looking to do suddenly appears afterwards. And if it doesn’t appear? And you still have to vacuum? Rip a play out of my dear friend’s book and wear your baby right around naptime. She vacuums the floors, makes the bed, washes the dishes and sometimes even mows the lawn with her toddler strapped to her back in the Ergo. Most times he’s too busy loving the view, but sometimes, her little superhero falls asleep while she’s at it. 

The Scenario: You and Super Breastfed Baby are, well, just home.

You may have noticed that when you’re home or *gasp* sitting down, your normally easy to distract child becomes Mr. Grabby Pants (which definitely feels like a superhero quality), demanding to nurse every. five. minutes. This one is a little trickier to fend off because mommy sitting = easy target. Most toddlers nurse that frequently out of boredom and/or familiarity. If you’re like most moms, for the last year, most of you and your baby’s breastfeeding took place either sitting or laying down. So it just means that your little princess was paying attention and now that she sees you sitting or laying down again, she thinks it’s nursing time. If you have realistic expectations of what’s about to happen, then you may be better prepared to deal with it. Another way to fend off Mr. or Ms. Grabby Pants is to “relax” in a new or exciting (but safe) environment. Toddler areas at local museums or indoor play gyms tend to be enclosed – use that to your advantage. Your busy, curious, newly independent toddler will be much less likely to think of nursing when there’s other stuff to do and see.

The Scenario: You and Super Breastfed Baby are at an impasse and you’re not too sure you want to continue nursing.

You’re trying to set boundaries, but it seems nothing is working. It’s not so much that you want to wean Super Breastfed Baby (or maybe it is), but you would like for nursing to feel like it’s more on your terms than at his demand. First, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you feeling that way. Nursing is a mutual relationship – both you and your child have to want to continue. As I mentioned in Part II, if you’re feeling like you want to slow down the demands of nursing or even wean, first try to pinpoint which is the MOST difficult nursing time for you. For me, it wasn’t the morning, nap and night – those I could deal with. But it was all the in-betweens. However, I didn’t realize that I could deal with, and actually cherished, the morning, nap and night until I was able to really cut back on the in-betweens. It took lots of creativity and motion, but after a few weeks, he didn’t even realize the in-betweens were missing. As with any change to a child’s sense of normalcy, employing gentle techniques combined with lots of love and patience along with waiting (if you can) until the child is communicative enough to understand, even if he doesn’t agree, will yield the best results.

The Scenario: You and Super Breastfed Baby have found your groove, but sometimes, she acts like there isn’t enough milk.

Super Breastfed Baby is one smart cookie. Maybe it’s that x-ray vision or her supernatural senses, but something has alerted her that there is less milk. Did you read that sweet momma? LESS MILK. Less milk is different than “NOT ENOUGH” milk. A few months ago, when you started solids because your little one showed all the signs of being ready, the weaning process began. Your body naturally slowed down its milk production to meet your baby’s needs and has continued to be super efficient in adjusting to those continued needs. Yes, you do have less milk, but, in conjunction with the other foods he’s eating, he’s still getting exactly what he needs. In addition, Super Breastfed Baby knows what he’s doing when he seems to be kneading the breast or trying to “play” with the other nipple. He’s actually trying to elicit a faster flow of milk for himself. For most moms, the kneading is nowhere near as exasperating as the nipple twiddling. Toddlers need to learn manners, too, and where better to learn them then at the breast where they are happy and relaxed and met with love? If you’re trying to curb behaviors such as nipple twiddling, be consistent each time. Explain to your toddler that it hurts momma. Use words she can understand. And repeat each and every time. Sometimes, along with consistency, a little bargaining might help, too. “Instead of hurting mommy by touching my breast that way, you can [insert substitutive, less exasperating behavior here]”.

So many of my past New Year’s Eves were spent with a baby in arms, or in a sling, or on the breast, picking confetti (or food) out of their beautiful, thick brown hair. Some years, it seemed I would never have my body free at midnight – or ever. My Super Breastfed Babies are babies no more…I can’t even say they are in jest. This year, we weren’t nursing at midnight. I wasn’t holding them. Yet, there we were, all of us snuggled up and interlocked when the clock struck 12. Maybe not as it had been in years past, but then again, not much different either. Maybe it was because, as others would say, I “nursed them *forever*”. Or maybe it’s because, through the nursing process, I realized there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

Happy New Year! 

Andrea Blanco is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant at The Milk Collective Lactation Care, working with families in the Miami/Ft. Lauderdale area. She is the proud mom of 2 loving, spirited boys, who teach her humility, patience, humor, and the rules to more sports than she thought she’d need to know every day. When she’s not helping families achieve their breastfeeding goals, you can find her on the sidelines, at karate tournaments, or with her toes in the sand. She can also be found at themilkcollective.co, on Instagram @themilkcollective_ , facebook.com/themilkcollectivelactation or by email at: andrea@themilkcollective.co.

Do you have any additional questions for Andrea about nursing a toddler?  Share them in the comment section and we'll ask her to write another article!

Toddler Nursing Part II – Toddler vs. Breastfeeding

Written by guest blogger, Andrea J. Blanco, IBCLC

Have you ever read Dinosaur vs. Bedtime by Bob Shea?

“ROAR!! I’m a dinosaur! ROAR! NOTHING CAN STOP ME!”

It’s a cute little book about this dinosaur who faces many challenges, and wins all but one. The dinosaur is FOR SURE a toddler. I just know it.

In my previous post, we talked about some of the reasons why nursing a toddler can be a helpful transition for you and your little one. Dealing with a little person who has so many changes going on all at once can feel a lot like those battles in Dinosaur vs. Bedtime. Here are some suggestions for turning the tables on your little dinosaur or dinosaurette.

I want to keep nursing, but am being pressured to quit.

In this society, if you happen to be nursing your 3 month old, you are in the minority. Six months? You are an anomaly. If you’ve gotten to the point where you’re thinking of nursing your toddler, then it is safe to assume that not everyone around you will understand or agree that you are doing a very important, *normal* thing. However, dealing with that lack of support is crucial to your wellbeing and to the likely continuation of your breastfeeding relationship. So what can you do if the people closest to you don’t necessarily share your same enthusiasm?

First, have a conversation about their concerns. Be a good listener and find out why continued nursing is bothersome for them. It’s rarely about YOU nursing YOUR toddler that is offensive to them and has to do with other concerns, like spending time with you (in the case of a partner) or spending time with the baby (in the case of extended family) or concerns (real or perceived) over your work duties (in the case of an employer). If you’re able to get to the real issue for which breastfeeding is taking the hit, making small changes to show you are conscientious of their concerns will get the attention off the nursing and you and your toddler can continue your breastfeeding relationship.

There are times when despite your best efforts, it will feel like a lonely journey. However, in this day and age, that needn’t be the case. A lot of communities offer breastfeeding support groups and even breastfeeding toddler groups. Check with your local hospital or La Leche League chapter to see if there are any in your area. When my first was approaching toddlerhood, I found my support through online forums where I met some great, like-minded mommas whose virtual support was key to our continued breastfeeding success. If you’re on Facebook, become a member of one of the many groups there are offering mother-to-mother support. Are you on Twitter? Search #breastfeeding and for the most part, you’ll be met with tons of virtual kindness. What about downloading some great podcasts from The Boob Group? You don’t need an army of people cheering your name – sometimes one person who gets what you are going through is enough. Toddler Nursing vs. the World? Toddler Nursing WINS!

My toddler is very demanding about wanting to nurse, even when I don’t want to.

As you’ve probably realized, toddlers are VERY demanding about EVERYTHING. Nursing will definitely not be excluded. It’s easy to continue to fall into this routine of “on-demand” nursing when you’ve been at it for so long, but with your child’s developing language comes the understanding that we live in a world where patience and manners are necessary and there are boundaries. While breastfeeding does still serve a nutritional purpose in that second year of life, it probably isn’t what your toddler is surviving on alone. In the same way that you are curbing the throwing of sippy cups on the floor so hard that the top comes off and the water (if you’re lucky, it’s just water!) spills everywhere, you can begin to curb the octopus arms toddlers suddenly develop when trying to get to the breast. Model the behavior you wish to see and be gentle, but firm about it (laughing or smiling and cooing at how cute it is that your little one grabs at your shirt and pulls so hard while yelling for some milkies when you’re trying to say no isn’t very effective). Octopus Hands vs. Nursing Manners? Nursing Manners WIN!

But, what if I’m out and my toddler still wants to nurse?

Maybe nursing a baby in public has been a challenge for you. If so, then the idea of nursing a toddler in public is really intimidating. Because toddlers are all about exploring the world around them, they are [generally] easy to distract when you’re out. There was, however, that one time at mass when my little angel decided that the crayons and snacks I’d brought along weren’t going to cut it. Nothing like hearing “BOOOOOBIEEEEEE” being yelled out in a quiet room built to echo. As mortified as I may have been at the moment, it’s also one of my most cherished memories. If distraction isn’t working, with a little quick thinking, there’s always a quiet place you and your little one can go for that needed pit stop, breastfeeding under the choir robes included. Also, while you are aware you’re nursing a toddler, most people wouldn’t even think of it, so just as in the case of a baby, to a passerby, it can look like your child is sleeping on your lap, and nothing else (this, of course, doesn’t apply if your son has already announced his plans to the entire congregation). Boobie vs. Echo? Boobie WINS!

When all else fails, don’t forget – you can set boundaries. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I’ve dealt with countless clients who, by the time their child gets to a certain age, are having a hard time continuing the nursing relationship because of these demanding moments. If you are at your wit’s end and feel like you want to keep nursing but…, try to find a middle ground. If you are able to target the most stressful times and/or nursing behaviors, you can then find ways to work around them. Maybe that means finding gentle ways to say no by way of distraction more often than you are used to, but if it goes hand in hand with keeping your sanity and in turn, continuing your nursing relationship, then, whether your toddler agrees with you at the particular moment or not, it’s still a win/win situation. Demanding Toddler vs. Boundaries? Boundaries WIN!

Nursing a toddler, like having a toddler, isn’t always easy, but if you so happen to embark on the journey, you may find it is always worth it. It gives you another mothering tool to help navigate those battlefield moments and is a sure fire way to connect with your child amidst this busy life we lead. One day my little one got his finger caught in the door and came wobbling over to me, tears of pain streaming down his soft, round toddler cheeks. Instinctively, I lowered my shirt and offered the breast. The older one, worried about his brother, came over and said to him “You see, B? There is love in there so you’ll be ok.” I realized the only reason he felt that way was because of what he experienced at the breast by way of watching and doing. I couldn’t have asked for a bigger reward from my nursing relationships. Toddler vs. Breastfeeding? Love always wins. 

Andrea Blanco is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant at The Milk Collective Lactation Care, working with families in the Miami/Ft. Lauderdale area. She is the proud mom of 2 loving, spirited boys, who teach her humility, patience, humor, and the rules to more sports than she thought she’d need to know every day. When she’s not helping families achieve their breastfeeding goals, you can find her on the sidelines, at karate tournaments, or with her toes in the sand. She can also be found at themilkcollective.co, on Instagram @themilkcollective_ , facebook.com/themilkcollectivelactation or by email at: andrea@themilkcollective.co.