Help A Mama Out: Ways Partners Can Bond with Baby Besides the Bottle
Help a Mama Out Topic of the Week: How does your partner bond with your baby besides giving a bottle?
So many partners who take my prenatal breastfeeding class want to know how they can start bonding with their babies besides giving bottles. Here are a few articles about partner support, as well as YOUR fantastic tips about how your partner and baby bond together.
Help a Mama Out Topic of the Week: How does your partner bond with your baby besides giving a bottle?
So many partners who take my prenatal breastfeeding class want to know how they can start bonding with their babies besides giving bottles. Here are a few articles about partner support, as well as YOUR fantastic tips about how your partner and baby bond together.
Lactation Matters: Fathers, Breastfeeding, and Bonding
Nancy Mohrbacher: The Mother’s Partner and the Breastfed Baby
Best for Babes: 14 Ways for Dads (and Partners) to be Engaged with their Breastfed Babes
Chelsea – He wears him in the baby carrier a lot and they like to read books together.
Shelly – When they were small, the only way we could get them to sleep was to put them in jammies on Daddy’s chest. It still works like a charm, almost at 13 months!
Erin – Babywearing and skin to skin! Too cute!
Cassandra – Every night he gives our son a coconut oil rub down…. It’s become such a bonding experience for them that when I even try to do this, my son whines and arches his back and crawls away.
Tiffany – He takes care of him in the morning while I sleep in. Change his diaper, play with him, and incorporate him into his ‘before-work’ exercise routine: calf raises with baby on shoulder, squats with baby in arms.
Ashley – Ours are bigger now, but when they were newbies and crying, he’d turn on Bunny Wailer and dance around the house with them. I still get teary when I hear Blackheart Man.
Lisa – Babywearing, bath time together, snuggles, walks, playing on the floor together.
Stephanie – Cuddles and babywearing. I heard a good quite recently about fathers. “It’s a father’s job to show his child that love doesn’t just come from food.”
Valerie – My wife spends lots of snuggle time with our daughter. Between babywearing, rocking, singing, and cuddling, she has quite the knack for soothing our baby.
Liz – My son hasn’t met daddy yet, as he is in Afghanistan, but when our daughter was a baby my husband would pretend fight with her. He would go all out…. Have her in the air, ‘slow mo’ kick her little baby feet into his face making some dramatic noises and rolling all over the bed with her. She wasn’t even a year old so it looked hilarious! Thank goodness I got a video of it! My hubby will also do diapers, carry, and co-sleep… the whole nine, but it’s his playtime bonding I love the most!
Mallory - My daughter has never had a bottle, so aside from helping with all of the other baby duties, he always reads her a bedtime story before I nurse her to sleep.
Tasha - Dad is a master burper and swaddler with our little one. He's also a pro at getting him to sleep because milk just doesn't do it some nights.
Jessica - By letting mommy sleep when he gets home in the mornings. My son love to fall asleep on his chest.
Thanks to everyone who responded to our questions on our San Diego Breastfeeding Center and The Boob Group Facebook pages. Check back every week for a new Help a Mama Out tip!
Here are a few more articles on our website, specifically dealing with partner support:
Advice for a Newly Breastfeeding Mama's Partner
Partner Support: Can it make or break your breastfeeding experience?
Help a Mama Out: Surviving the First Few Weeks of Breastfeeding
What tips do you have for surviving the first few weeks of breastfeeding?
Maren: Lots of skin to skin to get those endorphins going so you can take advantage of all that delicious oxytocin (which will make you want to keep breastfeeding, even with things might be tough!) Take advantage of all of the support you can – it will help normalize the experience so that you feel totally confident in your decision to breastfeed. And know ahead of time that there is definitely a learning curve, but it only gets better and better, so hang in there!
Amanda: Make sure to talk to your partner about how you need him/her to support breastfeeding and encourage you, even when you get discouraged and feel like giving up!
Jamie: Get the latch correct right away! Take advantage of the lactation consultants at the hospital and ask for a referral even if you don’t think you will need one.
Andrea: Trust your body! Skin to skin, lots of water, and lots of rest.
Heather: Surround yourself with at least one supportive person. I would never have made it through those weeks without the support of my husband.
Alicia: Hire a postpartum doula.
Juli: Surround yourself with women (and men!) who support breastfeeding. It gets easier – it is definitely worth pushing through the tough parts in the beginning!
Billie: Make really good friends with the lactation consultant and local breastfeeding support group before delivery. They will be able to offer so much support in those first few weeks. Trust your supply. Make sure you are comfortable!
Monica: I went to classes and read books, which helped, but nothing prepares you for the real thing. Get help early, if you need it. Hiring a lactation consultant was the best thing I did. Keep telling yourself you will try it for one more day and one day it will become second nature. Coconut oil worked wonders on sore nipples.
Christine: OMG… best advice I got was to rub breastmilk around your nipples after every nursing session! My cracked tatas healed within 2 days of doing that!
Chelle: If it hurts and you are dreading the next nursing session, don’t just tough it out! Get help ASAP before it gets worse or turns into an issue that makes you quit! Take a prenatal class. Breastfeeding is natural, but that doesn’t mean you will naturally know what to do.
Sarah: Don’t expect anything else from yourself. Set up what you can ahead of time and find someone else to do everything else that needs to be done. Establishing your breastfeeding relationship is your job.
Jen: Get a Netflix subscription and ignore the dirty dishes!
Danielle: Don’t do anything but rest, breastfeed, nap, and eat. Nothing else matters right now.
Abbey: Celebrate every success, no matter how small it seems!
Desiree: Find support! And be patient…it’s not always easy, but it’s most certainly worth it!
Sofia: Learn the basics! Before birth is possible! Proper latch, how milk supply works, most common myths about breastfeeding, how to know if your baby is getting enough, why it is REALLY important to feed on cue rather than a schedule, why baby doesn’t need ANYTHING else but your breastmilk, etc.
Amanda: Don’t give up! Get help and support! Spend as much time as you can with your baby (in bed if you can.)
Priscilla: Relax. Don’t listen to anyone that’s not helpful. Determine your own needs for comfort.
Joanna: Expect to care for your baby and get others to help with meals and housework.
Thanks to everyone who responded to our questions on our San Diego Breastfeeding Center and The Boob Group Facebook pages. Check back every Tuesday for a new Help a Mama Out tip!
To find an international board certified lactation consultant, visit www.ilca.org
Here are a few more articles on our website, specifically dealing with breastfeeding a newborn:
Advice for a Newly Breastfeeding Mama’s Partner
Breastfeeding Expectations for the First Month
Newborn Hands: Why are they always in the way while breastfeeding?
Partner Support: Can It Make or Break Your Breastfeeding Experience?
When Ben was born almost 7 years ago, I had no idea how much I would rely on my husband to be my pillar of support. When I was gliding along my roller coaster of postpartum hormones, it was my husband who gave me space, as well as made sure I stayed somewhat sane. He brought me water while I was nursing, ordered in dinner when we were too tired to cook, and made me laugh when I thought all I could do was cry. He was also the person who got on the phone to call the lactation consultant when I had no idea why breastfeeding wasn’t going the way I have envisioned it.
Breastfeeding was important to US and we knew we could make it work.
When Ben was born almost 7 years ago, I had no idea how much I would rely on my husband to be my pillar of support. When I was gliding along my roller coaster of postpartum hormones, it was my husband who gave me space, as well as made sure I stayed somewhat sane. He brought me water while I was nursing, ordered in dinner when we were too tired to cook, and made me laugh when I thought all I could do was cry. He was also the person who got on the phone to call the lactation consultant when I had no idea why breastfeeding wasn’t going the way I have envisioned it.
Breastfeeding was important to US and we knew we could make it work.
In all of my prenatal breastfeeding classes, I discuss with my students how to create a team of support, for both birth and breastfeeding. The first and most important person on this team is mom’s partner, or as I fondly call my hubby - My Partner in Crime! My students’ homework for the night is to discuss how THEY can get breastfeeding off to a great start.
I recommend discussing the following questions:
What are your breastfeeding goals (i.e., how long would you like your baby to breastfeed, will you exclusively breastfeed, etc.)?
Will your baby receive bottles during this time?
How would you like your partner to be involved with breastfeeding?
What support do you need from your partner?
The last question tends to be the most difficult to answer prenatally, as it is sometimes hard to envision what breastfeeding support you will need after the baby arrives. Also, it is hard to explain to a partner what it feels like to be the sole person in charge of meeting your baby’s nutritional needs. Yet, I feel like it is the most important question of them all.
In our society, when so many of us are not meeting our breastfeeding goals, our main cheerleader (often our partner) can truly make or break our breastfeeding experiences. When a mom calls me up, with desperation in her voice, yet is unable to book an appointment with me because her partner doesn’t see the benefit of meeting with a lactation consultant, I can sense that her breastfeeding journey is going to be an uphill battle that she is fighting alone. On the flip side, when I have a partner asking to hold the tube and syringe so that mom can supplement their baby at breast, I am confident that this mom will continue to try to overcome her breastfeeding challenges.
So, how can your partner help you to meet your breastfeeding goals?
In last week’s article, Why Aren’t Moms Meeting their Breastfeeding Goals, we talked about several different ways that society members could offer support to breastfeeding mothers. This week, I have collected advice from a few wise mamas about ways in which their partners helped them to meet their breastfeeding goals.
“While we were dealing with some initial breastfeeding challenges, I asked my husband to tell anyone who came over that they could only say positive things about breastfeeding. Rather than saying that it would be ok if we gave our baby a bottle, our guests mentioned what a great job I was doing trying to breastfeed and that they were sure things would get easier soon. I truly believe that the positive vibes in our home really helped to turn around our breastfeeding challenges.” - Sarah
“Up until my son was a few weeks old, he liked to sleep all day and party all night. After the 11pm nursing session, I really wanted to have a few hours of sleep before we started all over again. My partner would take our son out to the living room, watch John Stewart, and let our baby sleep on his chest until the next feeding session. After those few hours of uninterrupted sleep, I felt like a million bucks! It made all the difference!” – Michelle
“When our son was 6 weeks old, my sister in law got married. The dress I was wearing required that I had to take the whole thing off to nurse my son. …probably poor planning on my part, but I LOVED the dress! Whenever I went into the bridal suite to nurse, my partner joined me and hung out for those 30 minute intervals. I so appreciated her company and support!” – Jessica
Here are a few other ways that partners can support breastfeeding, as well as support a new mom’s well-being, that I have stumbled upon over the years:
Call a lactation consultant if mom is having breastfeeding challenges. Don’t expect her to solve this all on her own.
Bottle feed the baby in a ‘breastfeeding-friendly’ manner so that your baby will be willing to go back and forth between bottle and breast
Set up the pump when mom is pumping often. This just removes some added stress.
Document your new baby’s life with photos and videos and share with family/friends through email, Facebook, and Kodak Gallery
Soothe the baby when the baby is not hungry and doesn’t need a diaper change
Wear the baby. There’s nothing sexier than a baby-wearing partner!
Massage moms’ sore neck and shoulders, or make an appointment for mom to get a massage
Help baby to latch on to the breast, as mom sometimes can’t even see her own nipples :-)
Make sure mom is eating healthy foods and drinking plenty of water. Sometimes new moms forget to take care of themselves, which can really make her exhausted and lower her milk supply (i.e., cranky!)